Perfect
by Mistique Mistress
Summary: Adam is hurt, he's broken beyond repair and he's hiding behind a perfect mask. The line 'cause you're doing it perfectly' takes on a whole new meaning. Tommy doesn't know yet, but he's in for it. And no-one knows if he's going to come out. ADOMMY
1. Can you pick up the pace?

**AU! I don't own anything but the plot. Sadly****... what to do with Adam in your possession? Oh, the possibilities.**

Perfect, Chapter 1; Can you pick up the pace?

Friday night, one of the highlights of Adam's current life. The night everyone in LA was quietly anticipating, working themselves through the dreadful Monday hangovers, the itchy Tuesdays, boring Wednesdays and overrated Thursdays.  
Yes, Friday was most definitely Adam's favorite night. He smiled at himself in the life-size mirror in the middle of his apartment. Hair styled, jewelry in place and just the right amount of leather, it was all there in all his glittery perfection and if he might say so himself, he looked pretty damn amazing.  
He winked at himself; pointing out eyeliner, deciding he should do that often this evening. This was going to be fun.

He walked down the hidden stairs that led towards the nightclub, _his_ nightclub. Glam. He knew the name was simple, but it was catchy and most importantly it was _Adam_. As was the club itself. It was large, outrageously glitter-chique and well, _sexy. _

He stepped into the smoky darkness, lights flashing every once, His eyes scanned the lower dance floor, where the large, sexily dressed, crowd was jumping and kissing off whatever stress they had been through this week.  
They deserved it and god, they wanted it. They wanted the music, the extreme vibe that radiated off club Glam. They wanted to breathe the atmosphere of sensuality, wanted to let go and be entertained till there was nothing left of them.  
And Adam gladly gave it to them.  
The music, actual good music, because Adam never went for anything less then best, was already sending its beat through the floors and levels of the club. People bouncing, grinding and dancing.  
Adam was still proud of himself, finding this beautiful building. It had been sad and glamourless when he first came here, but as all things that surrounded Adam, that had changed really quickly. One could never recognize it after Adam was done with it.

He made his way through the ground-crowd; he always liked to start at the bottom. See how everyone finally let go, got out of their forced, restrained boxes. Ones Adam had been in often enough to hate them with passion. To his opinion, nothing should be put in boxes, be restrained. People were so much more _fun_ like this.

To prove his point, a drunken man walked up to him, his pace strutting, but his eyes were full of excitement as he kissed Adam full on his mouth. He was kind of handsome and Adam kissed back. His tongue pushing through the mans lips, tasting some of the alcohol still.

He loved how the heat would rise, skin would be revealed, and the pace would be picked up. Hands feeling and craving for to be touched.

"What's your name?" He whispered in the man's ear. The shaky 'M-Mark' making him smile.

"Make sure you'll get yourself someone to drive you home, or you might have to spend the night here…" Receiving another shudder that ran down the man's spine. __

After that he made his way to the second, which watched over the ground floor, but was more... exclusive and quickly forgot about the brown-haired man. Things could only hold his attention for so long.

Here the real glam started, all covered in glitter and smoke. Lips smacked on the pace of the beat and bodies were felt. People knew him, screamed his name in their excited high; the high only one Adam Lambert could get them in. Music pounding through their souls.  
He was touched and naturally, received a few smacks on his butt. Adam only smiled. This was his place, hair got wild, as did human natures.

Though Adam's carefully styled hair stayed perfectly in place. His leather coat waving around his tall frame and legs, which were trapped in black spray-ons, it was trade-mark, Adam's style was. It had no boundaries.

No boundaries, not just Adam's motto, also that of the club. Anything was possible here. It said clearly in bright purple neon on the wall behind the DJ's. Girls and boys dancing on the small stages.  
It was a revolution in club area, everybody knew. It's why everyone wanted to be here.

He smiled as he reached the third floor. Though it couldn't be called an actual floor. It was just a heightened balcony, only one other person with equally painted hair standing bend over the railing, though her long hair had much wilder colors then Adam's black locks.

"Allison." Adam smirked, leaning on the railing next to said young woman, also known as one of the few people that had held Adam's interest for longer then 2 nights.

"Hey there glamrocker." She replied, not looking up. "Why aren't you dancing and flirting around?"

"I could ask you the same thing." Adam smirked raising his eyebrows, he knew Allison loved to party, Allison partying was something he gravely enjoyed.

Allison, however, to Adam's surprise, stayed silent.

"Ali?"

"Oh, sorry, I thought you would ask me the same thing?" Allison laughed, now looking at her. "And as my answer, I was waiting for you, duh."  
Her eyes rolling playfully, she skipped off. Literally skipped off, Adam smiling after her, before indeed joining the crowd, maybe finding that boy from earlier. He needed some entertainment tonight.

It was a bliss, the dancing and the partying, Adam loved it, it was one of the reasons he started club Glam after all. One of the few, at least  
He nibbled on soft skin, his teeth sinking in someone's, he thought he remembered that someone's name being David, neck, making him moan in pleasure and wiggle his ass in Adam's lap. From the corners of his eyes, he watched his crowd dance, felt the beat bounce through his body, as well as the boy in his lap.

Allison, as she well knew to do, wasn't far away. Because he was possessive of the things he liked and so, Allison stayed close.

He had to admit, the man on his lap could kiss. He returned a hot open mouthed kiss, showing his tongue down young David's throat in dominance immediately. And the smaller man let him, intimidated by what radiated off Adam.  
That untouchable thing that seemed to hang in the glittery aura that drew everybody in, though it was rarely for a larger amount of time, except for Allison. The second place was a wonderful record of 2 days exactly.  
His expert hands touched the exact buttons David's body to make him putty in the gloved hands. His eyes still sharply examining the crowd over the moaning mess's shoulder.

"Please… I can't... Please." Adam could only hear the voice of desperation, the exhausted mouth hidden behind the blonde hair, Dave's, was it? Head resting on his shoulder.

Adam just smirked, palming the man's obvious erection without anybody noticing. "Hush. Relax and enjoy the ride for as long as it lasts."

The night was still young; Adam wasn't indent on settling just yet. Not for at least a couple of hours. To be honest, there were prettier boys in his building.

He was seated in the middle of the second floor, on what Allison fondly called his 'throne'. With, as strangely as it was for Adam Lambert, only two solid golden snakes decorating it. He grew bored with Dave's, or was it David's? neck, he trailed his tongue towards other untouched and unmarked parts of his skin.

Allison eyed him wirily, because she knew what lay behind that perfect control.

And in control as always, Adam gently shoed the man away, stretching. He found it time to stretch his body and shake of his own weekly stress. He walked over to the far end of the second floor, his hands folding themselves around the railing.  
He stared over the crowd, his blue eyes finding the brown ones of the DJ. A silent conversation between them, before the music changed completely. A mix of rocking, exciting, _arousing_ music pumping out of the speakers. Adam loved it already.

He smirked as he threw off his coat, revealing the tight fabric over his chest, nicely showing off all the work he had put in club Glam and his time in his gym.

To him, it felt like the whole club held its breath, in a moment of total silence and he closed his eyes.  
When he opened them again, he found himself already in the middle of the crowd, his hips moving, his head lost in the music, part, maybe head, of a larger being. He felt toxic, he felt contagious. He felt _good_.  
Eyes watched him, hungrily or admiring, his moves smooth and daring, just asking people to join if they had the guts.  
Most did, whether from the influence of alcohol, or just from the strong presence of Adam. They came and danced, dropping every mask and layer of their personalities, baring them to just dance, dance and be entertained.

Adam smiled, actually smiled, for the first time this evening instead of sexually smirking.

"Dance for me, Glitter-Army!" He screamed, laughing, his black hair now finally out of order and in his face, enjoying himself.

The music changed and so did the dance, but the change was smooth. Voices screamed in excitement.

Allison smiled, loving these moments of Adam, where he finally let go completely.

People waited expectantly, hoping something would happen to Adam, something that sometimes happened, something everybody wanted to hear and experience once. Allison knew the trick and hoped somebody would be daring enough.

And yes, a young red-head danced up to Adam, her face barely reaching her goal, his ear, to whisper; "Sing!"

Adam snapped, an almost insane happy smirk spreading over his face as he opened his mouth and sang with the music, his voice blending with it.  
The whole club rooted and applauded at his enchanting voice. They danced to the melody that floated from his throat. This was what they wanted. To be entertained and well, Adam's voice, Adam's club and Adam's entertainment. Adam ruled here, it was his place.  
It was heaven.

They danced and danced, they moved along, they rubbed against each other. Mouths found each other. Smashing into each other, because tonight had no limits. They had caught the glitter-fever.

But then, suddenly, a lot of people stopped dancing, though the music didn't alter for a second, because of a dark haired man making his way through the crowd, towards the Adam, whose notes stopped in his throat as he gazed at the man.

"Adam!" The man screamed laughingly, shoving a girl that was in his way away, his eyes averting to make sure nobody was close to him anymore, his skin suddenly lost of fire.

"Look at me!" The man shouted, his eyes piercing and wild, because that is what Adam could do to you.

Adam's reply was short. His eyebrows raised, his stare colder then ice, Allison bit her lip. Almost feeling sorry for the man, because she certainly knew the look. "I'm looking; _Drake_, but I don't really see anything."

"Oh please, you loved me." Drake coed, walking up to Glam's famous owner, fisting his hands in his leather coat, but Adam's cane quickly changed that.

As the man rubbed his hit hands and Adam in his turn walked closer to him, towering over him now, though Drake seemed unimpressed, death glare in his blue eyes, looking utterly in control as always. But Allison could see the pain, the pain Adam had so carefully buried deep within himself, his heart and his soul. She could see what Drake had done to Adam and that he still wasn't over that.

"Get away from me." Adam hissed through his teeth, which were clenched tightly. "Get lost and never dare to step foot in _my _club again."

With that, he shoved his ex-boyfriend away. Drake falling to the ground with an unbelieving glance in his eyes.

"You love me Adam Lambert, you know it. You loved me with everything you had; you would have wanted to have an _ordinary_ life if I had asked you. You were crushed when _I_ left you. Let me tell you something…" He began and Allison closed her eyes.

Just when she thought Adam was slowly recovering, this man just had to come over and rub everything in Adam's face again.

"You're nothing, just miserably trying to fuck away your problems; you're nothing without me, Adam. And you know it. Congrats on 'forgetting' me. I can see how much you have. Do you still dream about me, like you always used to, moaning my name in your sleep, huh? Do you? I bet you do, because you were and still are; head over heels. Where did all that passion go, Lambert, down the sink or down to your loveless _dick?_ All that passion for me, the person you thought loved you?"

"That's enough!" Allison screeched, but Adam held her back with one extended arm.

"Leave it, Alli." He calmly told her, winking to security. "It's fine. I'm fine, don't defend. It doesn't suit you."

She looked at his blue eyes, the eyes she thought to belong to her friend, but he appeared not to be home right now.

He waved for security, the large bulky man running up, always faster then Allison expected, to drag Drake off. He was still silently shaking with laugher.

"Adam…"

"Don't."

Adam's voice was final, before he walked away, Allison's useless hand left stretched after him.

She let him go, because she knew there wasn't much _she_ could do right now. Not when he closed off like this.

"Perfect, this is just perfect." She muttered, running her hands through her multi-colored hair.

Adam, at the same time, ran his through his black locks, on his way through the lower crowd again. His body moving through the crowd, moving with it to get through it. In his hand already a Ketel One Martini. With a twist, of course.  
He closed his eyes and shot it down completely, feeling the only slightly satisfying burn in his throat. He hated needing it; he hated anything out of his control. With passion.  
Which was exactly what he needed to release right now.

He sat down at the bar, ordering two more martini's. The whole booze of the night ruined, by the same man that had ruined him…

He groaned, downing one martini immediately, turning his stool around with the other in the hand.

That's when he spotted him. The extremely gorgeous man, standing a bit aside from the dance-floor. A slightly awkward expression on his very, _very_ pretty face.  
Adam's eyes scanned the body of the nameless man, he was smaller then Adam, cute and his foot tapping to the exact rhythm of the music.

Adam liked the way he moved, his eyes scanning the crowd too. Though in a slightly more innocent way then Adam's.

Adam immediately felt a pull and knew that this man, was _exactly_ what he needed tonight.  
Just tonight, as always.

Right?

==  
**So, that was the short beginning of a story that has been bouncin' through my head the last couple of days, do you like it? Should I continue? And do you have any idea who the mysterious guy is? Cause I don't know.. That, my friends, is entirely up to you, so I ask. Politely. To leave me some love, kay?  
Love you all, glitterbitches. **


	2. caught the Fever

"Stop that!" Tommy impatiently hit Monte's hands away, which were trying to tighten the straps on the corset thing Lisa had talked him into wearing. He hated the woman's talking skills. "I'm already looking like a fucking whore, you know it. Stop that or I'm not coming either way." He threatened, glaring at the man.

"Come on, Ratcliff. Way to be a party-pooper. We're going to club Glam. It's the best dance-club in the area!" Lisa countered him, slantwise looking at him, her mascara halfway raised towards her lashes.

Tommy rolled his eyes and huffed at the woman. He didn't really get what was so great about that club; he hadn't ever been there, but putting him into a corset and basically forcing him to wear make-up. _"But you look so _pretty_ Tommy!"_ seriously? He thought it was a little overrated. He'd rather be lying on his couch right now, preferably with a remarkably large bucket of chocolate ice-cream.

"Almost there." Longineu said from the driver's seat. Smirking at the pouting Tommy in the rearview mirror. "Is the baby gonna be good?"

"Bitch." Tommy muttered, making sure to slam Longineu's door closed with a loud slam.

"Hey! Watch that!" The dread-locked man said. Receiving his smirk right back.

"C'mon, Tommyjoe." Lisa said laughingly, flicking her brown hair out of her face and swinging her arm over the smaller blonde's shoulders. "It's going to be fun. You love partying."

"And hate it when you're right." Tommy said, after looking at her for a straight 10 seconds.

"And you love me for that, hun." She said, examining her tight leather-looking top and skirt with ripped leggings. Giving Tommy time to, on his turn, examine the building they were standing in front of.

It was huge, Monte hadn't been exaggerating and it _looked _really awesome. And glamorous. And sparkly… To be honest, he really liked it.

"Okay then, let's dance!" Lisa yelled, self-assuredly walking into the club, like she owned the place already. She caught the fever and the night was just getting started.

Though Monte and Longineu accompanied him into the club, where the three of them got a lot of interested stares, they disappeared quickly to who knows where. Though Monte would probably end up drunk sucking some girls face off, he was sure of that…

Eventually, they would find each other. They were friends enough for that, so he danced his way towards the bar, glad as hell that Longineu was the sucker that had to drive their drunk asses home. So with a drink in his hand, he ended up exhausted on the side of the dance floor a couple of hours later. A smile on his face, the booze of dancing in his head.

Lisa had been right, as usual, though he still didn't feel very comfortable in the corset… He was still having fun, his feet (inside of buckled boots) were killing him, but he dismissed it with a flick of his hair. .

His foot was tapping on the beat, the music in club Glam was better then any club he had ever been too. It was also larger, more exquisite, smokier and generally better then any night-club Tommy had ever visited. The whole crowd was enjoying itself, he noticed, scanning it loosely, sipping from his drink again. He had gotten pretty hot from the extreme dancing here. Like he said, better then ever.

"What is a pretty thing like you doing here all by himself?" An angelic voice suddenly said from behind him.

Tommy spun around, startled by the voice and even more thrown off by the smirking man behind him.

He's _handsome…_ Flashed through his a little fogged brain. Immediately wincing at the intense, deep blue eyes underneath the wild black manes. Because what that man carried couldn't possibly be named hair.  
The stare seemed hurt, almost pained. Though it was carefully covered. He'd always had something with eyes.

"Not much…" He stammered. Feeling more and more comfortable with how _he _looked in comparison to the man in front of him. Black shirt, loose leather jacket. Tight Jeans, heavy eye-make up and a lot of accessories. And it all looked amazing on him.  
The man still smirking at him, letting his underlined eyes fall on the dried glass in Tommy's hand.

"You shouldn't be here all on your own." He said, his eyes averting towards the crowd for precisely a second. His voice honey-like and very different from what Tommy had suspected, making its way into the whole of Tommy's system, nodding vigorously. "I'm Adam; do you want another drink...?"

Once again Tommy couldn't do anything but nod and whisper "Tommy." The man grasping his wrist and rather harshly half guiding- half laughingly dragging him over to the bar once again.

Tommy knew he probably shouldn't drink more. Alcohol didn't affect him that much, but he had already swallowed quite a few tequila shots. And he was becoming quite hazy. Had the man, Adam _such a suiting name_! seen that?

But no, Adam just smiled at him with a very contagious smile. Making a wine-red blush creep up his cheeks. Great. He quickly accepted the drink Adam pushed his way to cover the redness. What was with this man that did these kind of weird things with his stomach, just mere minutes after he met him?

They chatted longer then a few minutes though, while Adam kept getting both of them drinks, without paying, which should had been kind of suspicious, but Tommy didn't really care. He had decided to just see where this went and keep his eyes fixated on the man's face, avoiding the eyes for some reason. They still scared him a little.  
He didn't remember much of their precise topics, but somewhere along the line they talked about instruments.

"Electric keyboard. Best instrument ever invented." Adam had stated. Making Tommy shake his head for the first time that evening, disagreeing with the tall man.

"Absolutely not. Guitars anyday."

The look on the dark-haired man's face was almost to describe as hilarious.  
He was practically astonished at Tommy's reply, before his handsome face flashed a smile that almost made Tommy choke in what was his fifth, or sixth, drink.

"Guitars, okay. Do you play?" Adam had asked.

Tommy heard himself mumble something along the line of 'Bass-guitar, quite well.' But he was once again little distracted by Adam's sudden, or so it seemed, more interested expression. God, this wasn't healthy anymore. The plain _want_ he felt for this man.

"Do you play any other instruments?" Adam asked through the beat of the music, maybe for the second time, his blue eyes boring into Tommy's, who snapped out of his (dangerously in the wrong direction going) fantasies.

"I do play keyboard, a little. I like bass more, but Lisa's way better. She's the best I've ever met; her hands are like little spiders." Tommy was starting to like this conversation and he started to really like the man he was having it with too. So kind, pleasant to talk with and, dare he say it? Sexy as he smiled at the bartender. His hand brushing Tommy's when he pushed the tequila towards him.

"That's awesome. I don't play instruments myself, but I know some about music…" Adam had continued. Making Tommy laugh every few minutes. While he tried to do the same in return. Though there wasn't much in that area, other then a genuine smirk.

By now, in his hazy state of mind, they were leaning towards each other. He felt like he was smiling like an idiot and enjoying it too, not for a second thinking about... what were their names again? Or how he looked in the ridiculous, though maybe kind of nice, clothes.

Suddenly Adam leaned forward, his cheek accidentally? Brushing Tommy's and as his hot breath ran over the shell of his ear, he seductively whispered: "Dance with me." The bright smile that made Tommy's knees feel like jello already in place.

He couldn't help but brightly smile back, he liked the idea.  
Adam totally missed his wrist, planning on dragging him again, when Tommy jumped up to instead grab Adam's wrist. Pulling the once again startled man along.

This moment of enthusiasm didn't last long though. Because Adam quickly took dominance again, pulling Tommy flush to his body. Smiling at the gasp that left the pretty man's lips.

Everything seemed to disappear from Tommy's mind. His back pressed up against Adam's torso. A voice humming in his ear, their hips mindlessly swaying to the beat that pulsed between them. The haze of the alcohol making everything seem plain brilliant in Tommy's mind.

In a wave of braveness, he pushed back against Adam. Receiving a nice hum from him. "You like that?" He whispered and then suddenly attached his lips to the skin of his throat, grinding back, his teeth scratching along it when Tommy let out a strangled moan.

"I bet you do, baby." Adam whispered. The ringed hands now shamelessly caressing his body.

"Stop that." Tommy suddenly said, half whispering. Realising just what exactly was going on, repeating the words he had spoken earlier that evening.

Unimpressed Adam sucked on a certain spot on Tommy's throat. A moan escaping Tommy's lips. Automatically bucking his hips into Adam's.

"See, you love it." Adam mumbled, twitching one of his nipples through his shirt. Yeah, he did. But it was wrong. He didn't. _But it felt so good, how could it hurt?_ This wasn't right. _So right._ He wanted this, he wanted the man behind him, he wanted the incredible pleasure he promised and was already feeling. But he couldn't. Something stopped him. Maybe it was the precise way he worked Tommy. The too controlled movements, but mostly it was the pain he saw behind the blue mirrors.

"No, stop!" Tommy groaned, pushing Adam's hands off him. Turning around to look at the man. His hand was still awkwardly stretched towards Tommy, who was feeling dizzy from suddenly breaking the spell that had controlled him for the last, minutes, hours? Before he let it fall down again.

"I'm sorry... I can't." Tommy said, mentally slapping himself. _Idiot_. I did it for the best._ What best? You could have that man standing there!_ But he's hurt!_ You think, look at him, he looks perfectly fine now!_

And indeed, the smirk on the gorgeous face was bigger and brighter then Tommy had seen it that evening. The expression more exited and mostly, watching Tommy like a predator would a prey.

"I... I have to go." Tommy told him. _Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot._

He turned around, but a large warm hand around his wrist stopped him, turning his skinny frame around with ease, pressing him once again against the taller frame.

"Just promise you'll come back tomorrow?" Adam said, softly pushing the blonde bangs away from Tommy's face.

"I, I don't know… Monte and Lisa…" He hesitated, his voice broke and it was enough for Adam to jump at the opening.

"Here." He said. Pressing something in the smaller's hands. "That'll convince them. Just promise you'll come back."

"I… Okay, I'll come back." Tommy promised, staring into the eyes that were now gazing at him with curiosity.

Then Adam flicked his black hair out of his face and spun Tommy around again. Making him stumble away.

_He _really_ needed to find Longineu to drive him home, no matter what Monte would say. _

**Adam PoV**

I stared after Tommy, seeing him adorably stumble. Wondering how he resisted what he so obviously wanted. Was it something I did, was it something he _was_?  
I just knew that this man, with his beautiful glimmering eyes, was something I found really interesting. I wanted him. He just made this into a much more amusing game then I had in ages.

"Hey, where have you been?" Allison's familiar voice asked, softly emerging from the crowd behind me, showing off her always perfect timing, right when Tommy disappeared somewhere near the bar, practically dragging a man with long dreadlocks along.

Her eyes followed mine, catching the last of Tommy's interesting and really soft hair. Her eyes scanning my expression with interest.

"Who's that?" She asked, knowing the answer.

"Something I like."

She sighed at the 'something' as I usually referred to people. Like they weren't people but objects, she complained.  
Well, some people were. But this one was certainly something different. He resisted me, rejected me. Stopped me in the middle of the heated game, not a lot of people did, let alone wanted that.

"Leave me now, Ali. I've got some things to think about." I shoed her. Knowing she would stay close anyway. Examining me and I didn't care, the only thing that was on my mind. Forcefully maybe, because I didn't wanted to think about anything, or anyone, else, was my new baby with his glittery eyes. And how I was going to get them.

**Tommy PoV**

"How in the name of all that is holy in hell did you get passes to the _freaking_ second floor?" Lisa yelled, the first to recover from the shock of Tommy showing the four passes in my hand. "Do you have _any_ idea how exclusive this club is, let alone the _second floor?!_"

He shook his head, rubbing it, while slightly pulling the passes away from Monte, who looked like he was going to drool over them. "I just… I can't really explain it, it's a long story."

"I really don't care how you got them, but dude. This is awesome." Monte yelled, high-fiving Longineu.

But Lisa kept staring at him. "You have to tell me the whole story as soon as we get home." She warned him, seeming to understand he needed a little time to recover from whatever had happened to him.

Taking the back-seat of the car, he pressed his head against the cool glass, trying to cool what seemed like a vigorous fever. His whole body was glowing.

Adam… The name, the image and practically everything he had said that evening flashed through Tommy's mind.

Who was he, Tommy had barely known him for half the night and he had already captured all the attention left in his partly drunk, though right now freakishly clear mind. The dark hair and piercing eyes and mostly, something that seemed to hang in an aura around him. Something pure, behind the façade smile. Something so intoxicating it had caused all this.

Adam, he didn't even know his last name. Who was he, what did he want and most importantly.  
What did Tommy want with him? 


	3. What's the master plan?

**Tommy**

Light fell through a crack in the familiar blood-red curtains and it so happened to trail straight over my face, making a protesting moan travel up my throat, the half-growl seemingly coming from deep within me.

Unwillingly, and with an fucking painfully throbbing head, I pushed myself up, my hair hanging in front of one eye. I knew, though didn't yet saw, that I was lying on Lisa's couch. Thank the lord it wasn't Longineu's flashy condo. That would've killed my pounding head, or at least royally fucked it up.  
Lisa's house was decorated with a little more class, soft cream colours with black mixed to spice it up. It was almost soothing, looking at the calm colours.  
Right now, I fucking adored Lisa's place

There was no question over _why_ my head felt like red-hot iron, the gorgeous black-haired man had fed me drink after drink yesterday.

Adam. I smiled at the thought of the smirk that had shone through his reserved mask yesterday. His eyes looking down at me, making me promise I'd return. There was just something about him that made my insides tingle.

_Seriously Tommy? _Makes your insides tingle? Shit, this guy had messed with his head. How long has it been until you found out you were actually inside the fucking closet?

I sighed, one by one setting my bare feet on the wooden floor, wondering where Longineu and Monte had crashed. The floor felt cold. Someone, _had it been me? _had thrown my boots on the other side of the couch. _Yeah, definitely me. _

Eventually, I made my way towards the curtains and neatly closed them. Staring at the fabric for a minute, clearing my head and flicking my messy hair out of my frowning face. Damned alcohol.

I really wanted to go back to the delicious looking couch, but something told me I wasn't the worst. Call it gut instinct, but what was left of my hazed memory told me Monte had looked pretty damn squint when he had drooled over the 2nd level passes. The most worrying thing though, was that I had no clue whether it had been the alcohol or that delicious smile that had hazed my sight in the first place.

I slumped out of the room, soon to find out I was one-hundred percent right, finding Monte crashed halfway up the fucking stairs. Longineu, of course ending up sober, because he was the driver, most likely in the guest-room. No need to worry about him, nor Lisa, who could find her own queen sized bed even in the worst ooze.  
I sighed and ticked the shell of Monte's ear, something I had learned always woke him up, even from alcohol inflicted sleep. Seriously he had a steady _woman_ in his life.

"Get the fuck away from me, Thommzy." Said bonded man groaned, his normally neat hair all over the place and his eyes still shut tightly.

"Not gonna happen. You're sure as hell going to feel that today and I know you'll be blaming me if I don't help you right now." I answered, dragging him up by his armpits. (yeah, I was small, not weak, thank you very much) Leading the guitarist down the stairs and towards the couch, where I dropped him. Making him groan in protest, but having a damn hangover myself, I wasn't about to care that much, he should be thankful I was helping him at all.

I walked to the kitchen, a little bit more awake and finding my way easily, now that my eyes were used to the darkness again. Searching in the cupboards for a bucket or anything related (though I doubted Lisa would like someone to puke in her salad-bowl) The dim lights in the kitchen doing wonders for my headache. _Loving Lisa's kitchen. _  
Eventually, I settled on what looked like a plastic bowl for emergency 'the dishwasher broke down on me' situations.

I dropped it next to Monte's already dozing head on the couch. I sighed, seeing him laying in my sacred place. Though I gladly gave him my spot, which was actually my usual place to regain some of humanity after a night out. I grow attached. Sue me.

I stretched, trying to flex some of the stiffness out of my system. But the feeling of damned butterflies in my stomach didn't disappear. It felt like I was glowing. Or at least, an afterglow of having glowed.  
And I knew exactly why.

_Adam_.

The image of him, the feeling of him touching me, it still flowed through me. Like he had infected me with something, like he was a drug coursing through my body. Like a disease spreading through my veins. And god, did I want it. _Yes, Tommy, let's reflect. _  
I sighed. I wasn't sure it was healthy, I didn't knew why I wanted it. Like I didn't know why I fled last night, since I knew very well where I'd have woken up if I hadn't. Not on Lisa's black leather couch, but very likely in his bed.  
My stomach tightened at the thought, the want I had experienced last night flooding through me once again. Making me glow. Heating up not only my cheeks, but basically all exposed skin. Which was a hell of a lot, since I was still wearing last night's outfit. I felt like I had a fever and a bad one at that.  
And I couldn't even think of the fact that I was going back tonight. That was just too much. My brain just shot down at that. And frankly, I couldn't really blame it.

_Adam._

Lisa woke up about 2 hours after me, having, as always, magically recovered from the previous night and looking absolutely great. _Sigh._ I still wondered how she accomplished that, given the fact I probably still looked like… well, like shit.

"You look great, Tommy." Came her smooth reply when I told her. Laughingly messing up my hair even more and brushing some smudged liner from my cheek, while I sarcastically eyed her.

"Monte still out?" She had questioned.

"Yeah, pretty damn beat. And I thought _I_ was drunk last night. Just from the drinks Ad.. He fed me and…" I stopped mid-sentence, blushing slightly as Lisa eyed me with renewed interest. Goddamn me and my pale skin.

"Good, now that he's out. We need to talk." Said Lisa. That was that.

We ended up outside her favourite star-bucks. Using the caffeine to get the last amounts of alcohol out of our blood. It was sunny and bright out, just like the light breaking through the curtains this morning had been. Everyone looked normal, more normal then usual. Maybe since I felt so amazing and glowing myself. It made sense, kind of.

"Okay honey, what happened last night?" Lisa asked, putting her cappuccino down. Her eyes were focussed at my face. Obviously trying to burn the answer from my 'cute, two-coloured-head' as she so affectionally called it.

We were seated on a table in the middle of the sun, each on one side of the table.  
I knew I couldn't talk myself out of this one, quick tongue or not, Lisa knew me well enough for that, so I eventually answered.

"I don't really know." It was the truth, though I wasn't able to look into her probably piercing eyes. Knowing they would be sceptical. It had been quite the out of body experience, no matter how wonderful and arousing it had been. I wanted it again and at the same time, I was dead terrified. "I really don't."

"You're not going to tell me you just ran into Adam fucking Lambert, swept him off his feet one way or another and got yourself exclusive 2nd level passes I spend weeks on trying to get, just like that?"

I opened my mouth, not sure what to say. It wasn't as simple as that. Because I had _certainly _not swept _him_ off his feet. More the other way around. _Terrifying._ But at the same time, so good and those hands.  
_Stop it Tommy. Don't get distracted by those fucking hands. _

"yeah, kind of…" It was a lame answer, I finally settled on, I knew that. But I finally looked up. Lisa was now openly sarcastic.

"Or not… I don't know, Lisa. It was kind of confusing, you know." I said, annoyed and kind of glowed down. "He was just there, he was goddamned gorgeous, kept giving me drinks. I think I now get why he got them free, he's the fucking owner, isn't he?" I rambled. "Don't answer that."

"So _he_ liked _you_." Lisa concluded. She had always been one to clarify my own thoughts for me.

"Yeah, I guess so." I stared at my cup, a normal cup of coffee, not in for the fancy stuff today. _I'd keep that for tonight…_  
What was I saying? I hardly even knew this guy! How in the name of all I didn't believe in had he accomplished me already addicted to him.

"He was nice and touchy and he made me feel very, very… Something." I exclaimed. Now or never, right? "I don't know what happened, I am sure I don't want to. He just gave me the passes and made me promise to come back. He just did something adamazing!"

Lisa giggled, swinging her hair out of her face. Me mimicking her gesture and we stared at each other for a few seconds, before we burst out laughing.

"God, I feel like a fucking idiot." I giggled. Holding my sides. Making another giggle fit erupt from our mouths. Maybe it was because the glowing, but I certainly enjoyed laughing it off.

Eventually, and of course, Lisa got it together and reassured me. "Don't worry, I know what a personality Lambert has. He's intoxicating, isn't he…? You're lucky you got him, actually, he isn't known to ask people to come back. I'm a little surprised. He must've really liked you."

I sighed. I hadn't even got him. Why, I had no idea and was feeling pretty stupid about it. "I guess I am."

"Be careful though, Tommyjoe." Lisa said my name as one word, prying the fingers of my unconsciously clenched fist open and squeezing it lightly. "He's Adam Lambert. He screws with people. Not just with your pretty head. It's weird for him to do this. I don't know why and I am sure I don't want to know just as much as you do. Just be careful. He's… Dangerous."

I eyed the woman in front of me cautiously and with non-hidden surprisement.

Lisa sighed. "How do I explain this." _Yeah, Lisa, explain._ _How could that beautiful, _seriously Tommy, Beautiful? _Man be dangerous?_ "He's Glam's owner, one of the most glamorous persons I have ever met. Or seen, anyway. He's sexy and charming, but he doesn't do relationships, or anything that involves getting into something longer then a day and a night. His record of holding interest for someone, as far as I know, is two days. One night stands, amusement for the night. That's usually it for him. It's not like he doesn't care. He loves the club and the people that go to it, he'd move mountains to get us to be happy and relieve our stress, but he just.. I think he looses his interest for things. Or he doesn't want to hold interest for things. Something happened, that's for sure. I don't know what moved that beast in himto move aside and to invite you back again after his nights amusement. But I'm just asking, Tommy, be careful. He's rough."

The look in her eyes was nothing more then honest, caring. But I just sighed, what a load of crap. Not what she said, hell no, I savoured every little detail I could come to know about Adam. But as it seemed, _he_ was a load of crap I got myself into.

"It's just. I didn't do anything. I walked away, I don't really gave him his precious entertainment." I flicked away a pad between the tips of my polished, but calloused fingers, almost angrily. Was that all he had wanted, his entertainment? And when he couldn't get it…

Lisa suddenly eyed me with more caution then she had all day. "Tommy, swear to me. Swear you'll be careful."

Suddenly, the glowing flared up, heating my insides and my very soul, so it seemed. I felt almost offended.

"He isn't that bad, Lisa. Cut him some slack, wouldn't you want some entertainment when you're constantly busy running the whole fucking awesome club?" I stood up, knocking my chair over and not giving a damn. Cut the crap Lisa. Just let me enjoy for once. I wanted this, it's not like I planned on a long-life relationship.

With that, I walked way, feeling her eyes in my back. Knowing she'd eventually call and apologise and we'd enter that apparently doomed, yet crazily wanted 2nd floor together.  
I just hoped I was ready for that.

**Lisa PoV  
**He was a prey. Adam Lambert's new object of desire. He better be careful.

**Adam Pov**Black nail polish contrasted with the white papers I was ruffling through, reading some lines here and there, scanning the numbers and trying to preferably work through them before noon, but I couldn't concentrate.

The numbers didn't really say much, I couldn't read the lines, my mind was set on something else… golden locks and nervous eyes, that is.

I sighed, leaning backwards in my chair and rubbing the soothing leather of my gloves over my face, sighing. _I needed to stop obsessing over my desired objects, the disappointment when they became boring would only be bigger._  
I had told myself that all freaking day and was it helping? Of course not!

Angrily, I shoved the papers off my desk. I'd show him. That fucking beautiful boy that had dared to strut into my club. I'd screw him into oblivion, as a punishment for walking off on me like that. Swaying with his ass in that obviously uncomfortable corset. I thanked whoever had forced him into that –though I doubted that was the man with the dreads– and prayed that person would do it again.  
I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact that he had just walked away like that. _Nobody_ walked away. Ever.  
And he had been heavily alcohol driven with that. I had swept dozens of sober people off their feet. And just like that, snap, I'd lost that beautiful face to the crowd.  
Thank god for my instincts and asking him to the second floor, counting on the fact his companion, the person who'd put him in the corset, would _love_ that and drag him along.  
Well, at least I hadn't pulled him back in, because he sure as hell _had_ been intoxicated and would've submitted, but I cared. I wanted him to have fun too.  
I was there for entertainment after all.

I smirked, finally standing up. I had no doubt in my mind I would lay my hands upon the pale skin tonight and show him what passion was all about.

_Snap out of it Adam, you have things to do_. The annoying, fun-breaking voice in the back of my head snapped.  
I sighed, walking around my desk to scrape the papers from the floor. Putting them into my black book-case. I couldn't concentrate and I was running ahead on paper-work anyway.  
Once again, thank god for me being a perfectionist, a neat one for that. Intense even with fucking _paper-work_.

I looked around the apartment, laying in at the back of club Glam, attached to it by the hidden staircase. –Yeah, I liked to feel like a vampire, hidden staircases and all– It was still dark, since I hadn't yet opened the pitch black and shimmering curtains. Thus covering everything in a blanket of semi-darkness. The dark-reds, night-blues and glittering surfaces all looked black, only the real white, like the door to the bedroom and attached bathroom and the love-seat, lighting up in the dark.  
**(A/n think WWFM-video apartment, only with those colours and more cosy :)**

I walked over to the windows, pulling the curtains open and closing my eyes against the sudden light. When I re-opened them, I was looking over a the city –Club Glam was a large building–  
It was late-afternoon and the city was busy with everyone doing their Saturday things. Knowing they'd be coming to his club tonight, he had everything for tonight, from the lights setting to the direction the music would take tonight, already planned.  
He just hated he couldn't plan his time with the half-long, half-short haired man. Because he had no idea how the boy would react.  
Normally, he was pretty good at figuring people out and usually, he got their emotions pretty right.  
He had observed Tommy for a large part of their short time. He had went from skilfully dancing in the middle of the dance floor, having fun with every girl and boy around him, to slightly awkward on the side of said dance floor, to cosily talking with Adam and then dancing like he hadn't seen anyone dance in a long while, to.. had it been scared? And walking away from Adam.  
Tommy had been so evidently _there_ in Adam's eyes and still, his emotions were completely untouchable. The smaller man slipped past his fingers every time again when he had tried to figure him out. Darting just out of the reach of his polished fingertips.  
Frustrating, but god, did Adam love it. It was rare that he was surprised. Since people overall reacted quite the same way to his touches and loving words. Tommy hadn't and it intrigued Adam.  
The only other persons that had ever caught his attention like that were Allison, Kris, Cheeks and…

Adam shook his head, feeling the pained grimace pass over his face until he got it together and sealed the scar closed again. He couldn't even think his name.  
_Distract yourself. _He ordered. But it didn't work. Drake's face was suddenly burned on the inside of his closed eyes.

Adam whimpered, feeling the sting still, of last nights words. Of all the words. Of all the acts. Everything he had done, everything Drake had done. It stung, so badly.  
No one was around to see him fall, so he couldn't fall back on his instinct of protection and cover himself.

"Help me." The words slipped through his lips and surprised even Adam himself. He had never actually worded his feelings. But somehow, all of his emotions seemed so strong.  
When the words he had whimpered sunk in and he realised what he had said, the pain of the stung was suddenly gone, as before him danced the slim figure with blonde hair, vaguely and out of his reach, but it seemed to soothe all the pain.  
Fuck, what was up with that?

**I honestly apologise for the use of Drake as the bad-guy. Nothing against him, but I needed someone and I am against using OC's unless absolutely needed. Thank you all for reading and reviewing and giving me all sorts of awesome feedback. I think I am starting to like this fandom. Longer-lived love affaire in my direct future? who knows..  
see all you lovelies next update..**


	4. not so sure fire winners

**Disclaimer: do I look awesome enough to own either our beloved Babyboy or his glitterbaby? I don't think so. So don't think so either. **

Adam absent mindedly sipped from his latté, sighing at the delicious hot caffeine in his mouth.  
His eyes, however, were fixed on something else entirely.

At the moment the tall club-owner was sitting in his comfy black leather chair, on the line of where the bedroom of his apartment ended and his balcony began, feeling the smog filled breeze in his neck. His hair was down again, the product from last night far gone, though his eyes were still a smudged dark.

He crossed his legs, still staring intensely at his king-sized bed. Smirking when the figure laying beneath the silky covers stirred a little. Wincing in discomfort, before dozing back into his unconscious state.  
The blonde hair was messy, sticking up in strange directions more then ever, and the hints of make-up were even more smudged then that underneath the electric blue orbs, Adam's eye-coverage just _looked_ worse.  
The sheets, Chinese silk, mind you, were pooling around Tommy's waist, leaving his back bare and fully exposed. Free for Adam to trail his eyes up the line of his spine, up to his head and the weird, but strangely adorable, due of long and short blonde hair. Adam's smirk changed into a smile as Tommy turned, stretching his limbs in the large bed. So large the beautiful male, who already wasn't that particularly tall, seemed to fade away within it.  
_He looks so peaceful._ Adam thought in wonder. _So different from last night_.

Soft light that had made its way through the door, trailed it's way to the bed and over the pale skin. Dancing higher and higher, almost unnoticeable, but Adam had watched it for the last hour, by now he could tell.  
The idea of the pretty creature lying there, just a mere distance away, made Adam aching on the inside. He _wanted_ that creature. The pale body, down to the core. He wanted it to writhe beneath him, he wanted those damned lips to scream his name, he wanted them to whisper and plea, sweat to cover his body and for Tommy to moan delicious sounds. Only for his ears.

The strange thing was, he also wanted things he hadn't experienced before. He wanted Tommy to lazily snuggle up to him, the lips to smile up at him, he wanted him to whisper words that were so _different_ from everything he ever wanted anyone to whisper. He wanted his hands not to roam, but just calmly lay on his chest. He wanted to be Tommy's fucking hangover pillow if it meant he could hold him.

Something kept him from doing both, so instead, he rose from the chair and turned fully to the rest of the city, taking the three short steps towards the balcony.  
L.A. seemed utterly peaceful in the early Sunday morning. His light eyes scanned the skyline and his fingers curled around the cold metal of the waist-height fence. Still wondering what in the name had happened last night.

A delicious moan reached his ears, indicating that one Tommy Joe Ratliff was finally waking up. He smiled and all his senses focussed on the soft shuffling sounds inside the apartment, part from his eyes, those still trailed over the horizon.

"What the..! Adam?"

**Saturday night 10:38 PM**

Adam was once again leaning over the railing of the terrace, finding a little peace where there was no smoke and the music was less pounding. He was looking down at the second floor and the two staircases that led down to the main dance floor. He could see the stiletto heels and boots dancing on the white neon floor pads –not flashing colours, thank the lord— Adam shuddered at the thought of that amount of disco-fever incantations. His dance floor was a classy place for the not so decent dancing that was going on, not some lowbrow disco.  
The light grey, almost silvery, walls were covered in golden spots of light and neon flashed just enough to heat that same dancing up even more. Here and there grew plants –smoke resistant— over foreign looking wood. There was even a small waterfall, where the people who needed a little cool danced, feeling the soft drips on their skin. The mahogany wooden bar was crowded, alcohol flowing as it should. The DJ looking over his grinding crowd. White lights flashed over the exposed skin and lips everywhere crashed onto each other. Everything was going smoothly.

The second floor was a lot darker and more _cosy_, as Adam liked to call it. Less open, Allison usually remarked.

The floor panels were dark, here and there flashing to grey. The walls also darkening up and shimmering in the soft light. If one happened to drop by during the day, they would see that in real light, the walls sparkled richly.  
Like the main floor, there were plants, though more daring, with white and black colours in their flowers, here and there a blood-red or dark purple. These little snippets of nature were nicely seated in fancy black planters.  
There were more seats and places to relax up here and multiple groups of people were hanging on and around the white comfortable blocks, privately made for Adam. Drinks in their hands and smiles directed at the ones they fancied or were befriending.  
A larger part though, was dancing. Not as hungrily and needy as last night, since Saturday always had a little more class then the wild Friday nights, but still groping and grinding their styled bodies in a never ending wave.

Adam's spot, the third terrace, was the darkest of all the floors. Only the people that were closest to Adam ever came up here. The ones he really liked and wanted to keep near. As stated before, Adam kept the things he liked close and those liked things knew damn well to stay close too.

"You waiting for last night's prey?"

Adam turned around and looked straight into the face of Kris Allen, a drink in his hand, the other wrapped around his wife Katy's waist, his eyes friendly, while at the same time trying to look stern.  
He failed.

"Who told you?" Adam raised one of his eyebrows. He wasn't even aware Kris was even in town. How far had his mind been gone. Or rather, how bad had his sources been? Had Kris and Allison, the only person that actually knew something about Adam's plans for tonight, already met and talked?  
Oh, and with plans he naturally meant making Tommy unable to walk for at least a week.

"Your whole club, it's even cooler looking then last time by the way, is buzzing about it." Kris said, an apologising smile coming to his face. Katy quickly kissed it away.  
"Just let him be, Kris."

Adam smirked. "Exactly, listen to your lovely wife for once, Kristopher and leave me be." He walked over to the pair and after he'd lovingly kissed Katy's hand and winked at Kris, he disappeared down the stairs. He had seen a familiar coup of blonde hair, eager to set his plans into motion, but he did not fail to notice Allison watching him from the shadows of the staircase.

The rush of the hunt fled through his veins faster then alcohol or adrenaline ever could. His eyes were on his desired; the pretty slender body and the sparkling eyes. He could almost feel the different layers of his personality, of which Adam had only gotten a glance yesterday. This time he was wearing a tight black long sleeved shirt with shackles, black skinny jeans and knee-length boots. His style and basically the way this man moved was captivating. Adam couldn't really help himself. He had to get to know this man and get to know every least layer to his soul…

Adam almost stopped dead in his tracks. His buckled boots were glued to the floor for just that tad bit of a second. _What_ had he just thought? That wasn't right, he just wanted Tommy, pleasure him more then he had ever experienced in his young life and make him forget his own name while moaning Adam's…  
Right?

From the corner of his eye, he scanned the crowd, automatically. Finding nothing off except for Allison, Kris and Katy talking at the bottom of the stairs to the third terrace.

"Tommy." His voice was perfectly smooth and honey covered when he spoke. And he got the desired reaction. Tommy jumped and backed away from Adam's voice, turning around with an almost scared expression. _Tense much?_ Before smiling brightly, though a little shaky.

"You came." Adam couldn't help but sound a little relieved.

"Yeah, I figured it would be fun." His eyes darted to a tall brunette and an even taller dread-locked. Adam assumed they were his friends and that they were the ones that dragged him back.

But Tommy was uncomfortable, he could see it from the way the boy was standing, almost too straight. His eyes didn't avoid Adam's, so it wasn't nervousness for _that_. But then what could it be?

Adam smirked and saw a shudder run up Tommy's torso. "I'm very glad you came, come on. I'll make the tender make you a drink. Name anything, he'll get it for you."

"I don't really care. But go easy on me, I'm kind of intend on remembering things."

Adam couldn't help but smirk even wider when he guided him to the small black bar; remember he would.

-

It was as if Tommy had changed overnight, again with little changes that put Adam off completely. He couldn't really put his finger on the sore spot, but he was intrigued.  
Tommy was sitting even closer to him then he had last night and now looked confident, a little angry even. Adam could barely suppress the urge to question Tommy and find out every single detail of what happened to him in the past day. Heck, he wanted to know where he boy had been his entire life. It was like he had travelled back in time, telling himself not to care, like when he created the Adam Lambert he was now. It was Drake all over again, only now, this intriguing young man made all this rise to the surface. He had to force himself not to care and ignore the annoying little leaps of his heart every time Tommy said his name, or smiled, or even moved and his scent reached Adam's nose.  
Drake all over again.  
Hurt must have flashed over his face, because Tommy's glittery eyes suddenly stared up at him with concern. The chattering stream of words that had left his delicious lips dying out.  
For some reason, Adam really hated that. He liked it when the blonde talked. Thus far he had told Adam about his friends (though Adam had steered Tommy away from asking about _his_ friends) his passion for music, the club and what he thought of it. The fact that he liked Adam's hair colour (he had gotten Adam to admit he was a natural blonde) and his favourite drink. (so that the bartender could make the best he ever had)

He flashed a reassuring smile towards Tommy and to his utter delight saw Tommy's cheeks heat up. Gone was the confidence, and the concern for that matter, and in front of him now sat a shy boy with wide, excited eyes. Adam loved it and almost squealed every time one of these changes would happen.  
He ordered another round of Tommy's favourite and started questioning again. "So what do you think of the second floor?" Adam deepened wine-red blush by leaning closer, his breath ghosting over the pale skin when he asked.  
"I-I really like it. It's very different from downstairs. Darker too. But that's a good thing; it's hot."

Adam smirked. "How so?"

"Because it's so.. exclusive and classy. I'm loving the glitter. It's like a forbidden temptation, unacceptable pleasure. I think it's fucking frightening up here, but intoxicating." Tommy again rapidly talking, enthusiastic now, encouraged by Adam's questioning and the alcohol that that bartender kept on giving him. "It's absolutely amazing, kind of like you, actually. I have never really seen a club quite like this. And I know my clubs…"

Adam was enchanted by the moving mouth, watching it and the pretty face. He was happily surprised by Tommy's little slip.  
Finally, Tommy decided to turn the tables and ask a question himself.  
"So, why'd you invite _me_, of all people?"

Adam almost burst out laughing, wondering if Tommy was either very good at applying make-up without a mirror, because he had obviously never really looked at himself, or that he was actually blind to his own beauty.  
So he closed the last inches that separated him from the smaller man and placed his lips on the exposed skin of his throat, just a little below his jaw.  
As expected, the younger gasped and unconsciously leaned further towards Adam.

"Because I want you." Adam muttered, still ghosting his lips.

Tommy tensed completely, at the exact same moment Adam sucked on the sensitive flesh beneath his lips, drawing what was likely to be the first of many moans from Tommy's mouth.

Then, to Adam's surprise, Tommy backed away and instead pressed his own lips to Adam's and stood up from his stool, momentarily pressing himself flush to Adam's chest, before he pulled away once more and darted out of Adam's arms, giggling.

"Then come and get me!" He laughed, flicking his hair out of his face, revealing an almost demanding smile. Like he was testing something, before he backed away into the dancing crowd.

Adam stared at the spot Tommy had disappeared for a couple of seconds, completely stunned. Once again Tommy had managed to just get away and slip right through his fingers! He was… Taunting him!  
Something that almost felt like anger, but at the same time like a strange excitement and a fright of loosing the beauty again, coursed through his veins.  
He was not to be taunted, he was in control; always the one deciding when things would or wouldn't happen. Especially in his own club, for god damned sake! Tommy could get himself hurt, or somebody would touch him and it wouldn't be Adam.

He pushed himself off his own stool and almost sliced through the crowd, which of course parted for him. His trench floating after him. Damn Tommy for his smallness. He couldn't've gotten that far? Could he? He seemed like he could run fast if he put his mind to it.  
God fucking damn it, this little game Tommy was playing and the running around in his way too tight jeans made Adam quite uncomfortable in said jeans.

Suddenly, a familiar southern accent found it's way into his ears.

"Lost something? Blonde, glitterlipstick hickey, about this tall?"

Adam's head snapped to the side and then downwards, looking straight into the smiling face of Kris Allen; again. Kris held his hand about an inch or two above his own head and his smirk was very, very pleased.

"Where'd he go?" Adam asked, looking around.

"A little bird called Cassidy saw him flee somewhere, but I'm not sure if I should tell you. He seems _really_ nice and innocent." Kris smile grew even wider, now revealing his teeth, making Adam bare his own in a completely different way. He waved some smoke out of his face and glared at Kris. Kris was one of the few that could get away with stuff like this, probably because he was also one of the few that was not impressed by Adam's aura.

"Kris." Adam growled, but Kris only raised his eyebrow.

"Fine, I'll go find him on my own. Not that his apparent innocence will be protected by you keeping your lovely mouth shut." Adam turned on his heels. He needed to find the blonde. Right _fucking_ now. Just the thought of the plump lips against his made his leather pants even more uncomfortable.

"This lovely mouth is just saying that he could've used the second floor privileges a little better…"

_Ground floor, of course!_ Adam felt like wrist-slapping himself. Tommy had said himself he thought the second terrace was a little frightening. As he thought Adam was. Naturally he would flee to the dance floor downstairs, where he felt more at home. Adam had seen that much yesterday.

"Thank you, Kris." He cooed over his shoulder. Feeling Kris roll his eyes at him.

He strutted towards the left staircase and looked out over the dance-floor and his dancing crowd. He saw blonde, he saw quite-but-not-so-tall blondes. He even saw black, shackled shirts. But nothing that lived up to his glitterbaby.  
_Glitterbaby?_ Well, it fitted with the gorgeous glittery eyes his new obsession had.

Suddenly, his eyes met a pair of glittery brown diamonds.  
They looked up at him expectantly from the back of the club, waiting for Adam to make a move.

Tommy looked like a mixture between a deer caught in headlights and a young lion about to make it's first kill. He smiled with the same innocence that Kris had spoken of and was tempting Adam to just run down the stairs to get to him.  
And still, beneath that lay something Adam could see, but not name. Almost a silent plea for him to just stay up there.

Part of him wanted to, to show Tommy that he could be trusted, because Tommy obviously felt _something_ uncomfortable. But his eyes were still daring and he looked so incredibly fucking _delicious_.  
So he shut down the voice that told him to just stay and look at Tommy until _he_ came to _him_. Because that seemed to be the game; who would come to who first?  
He blocked the annoying voice from his thoughts and walked down the stairs with long, speedy steps.

Within short notice, he was standing in front of Tommy, who now had some kind of satisfied look over him. A 180 degree turn once again. And it made Adam even harder then he already was.  
He grabbed the younger's wrist and pulled him towards the DJ stand and to the black spot of curtains.  
When he burst through it, he walked only a few steps up the hidden staircase before he roughly, but not harshly, pushed Tommy to the wall, hands on each side of Tommy's head. No words were spoken and their lips crashed together. Tommy tasted delicious, like a mix between fruity, sugar covered candy (probably because of the drinks) and a more natural, lingering taste Adam could only define as _Tommy_.  
They stumbled up the stairs, through the door that led to Adam's apartment, lips still attached. The beat of the music still vibrating between them, along with Tommy's moans.

Tommy's fingers pried on the hem of Adam's shirt as he was once again roughly pushed against the door, which slammed shut, but Adam was quite fed up with being out of control. He grabbed both of Tommy's hands and held them above his head with just one of his as he aggressively attacked Tommy's neck. The young blonde gasped and tilted his head back to give Adam better access. His pelvis arched when Adam immediately found his pulse and roughly sucked on the flesh, his teeth slightly sinking into the skin. Needing to mark the smaller as his.  
A needy moan escaped Tommy when Adam returned to his lips, kissing and licking them until they bruised. Adam's other hand now underneath Tommy's shirt, trailing his sides and his abs with his fingers. Tommy sighed in pleasure when the cool hand reached his nipples and Adam immediately slipped his tongue into his mouth, their lips folding around each other. Adam's tongue licked the insides of Tommy's mouth, dancing with the other's tongue. Tommy on his turn bucked his hips up into Adam's, feeling his length through the leather jeans, making another moan escape his lips. He wanted more of Adam, more skin, more kisses, more touches. Adam felt it, like he felt Tommy arch into him, needing more.  
So finally Adam pressed their bodies flush together and pulled one of Tommy's legs around his waist, grinding into him. Pulling a really throaty whisper of "Adam!" from the bruised lips.

Temporarily removing his lips from Tommy's he trailed his hands over the insides of his thighs, quickening Tommy's breathing and effortlessly slid the leather boot of his leg. His feet were surprisingly mall.  
His lips found their way back to the pale skin and sucked harshly, feeling the younger's hands tighten around his shoulders in a dead-lock, but also feeling Tommy's other leg wrap around him, within seconds the other boot was on the floor too and he was only supporting Tommy by pushing him against the wall and the blonde holding onto him, as he still hungrily sucked every bit of exposed skin he could find.  
Unsatisfied, his hands travelled down, to the hem of Tommy's shirt and pulled it over his head.  
Tommy groaned at the loss of the lukewarm lips on his skin and pushed his own back against them immediately when his shirt was successfully removed. Pressing himself as close to Adam as he possibly could, now sticking his tongue into Adam's mouth and Adam let him, the freckled hands now cupping Tommy's ass. Still dry fucking him into the wall. Ripping moans from Tommy as he on his turn basically pulled Adam's shirt off. His hands roaming the other's arms, chest, face. Every place he could reach. Both man's arousal now clearly feelable for the other. Both their breathing laboured, Tommy's hitching when Adam's index finger circled his nipple.

"So pretty. So goddamned beautiful." Adam muttered against Tommy's lips, before sloppily kissing him again.

Tommy nodded. "Such passion." He mumbled to Adam, nipping his bottom lip. "How much of a good fuck am I?"

The question, suddenly uttered in a bitter tone startled Adam and he pulled his lips from Tommy, looking at the boy he was pinning against the wall. His neglected length throbbing for the blonde, yes. But the question still set him off.  
he looked into Tommy's half closed eyes, saw the alcohol behind them, but also a pool of arousal and, could it be, hints of hurt.  
A panicky feeling plunged into his stomach. How had he hurt him? Had he unintentionally inflicted pain onto this heavenly creature?  
No, it was not physical pain, but the same hurt that had made him ask the question.

"Well?" Tommy slurred. "Aren't you going to fuck me and disregard of me in the morning, oh great Adam Lambert? Aren't you..?"

The idea seemed repulsive to Adam, even though that was what he'd done to all his bed-partners in the last months.

Impulsively he pulled Tommy closer and hugged him, feeling the same reaction from Tommy and suddenly he felt, no, experienced exactly what Tommy was feeling.  
He felt the arousal, so alike to his own. He felt the obvious draw towards a lover, he felt the need that Tommy had for him and even the feelings that stirred so deep within the smaller. But he also felt the fear of rejection, the knowing that Adam was going to hurt him, but also the curiosity as to why Adam did it. The pain of seeing Adam and assuming the man didn't feel the slightest thing for him. The acceptance to just go with it and have fun, but at the last moment being unable to.  
All Tommy's emotions shot through Adam like a giant wave and the feeling, their feeling, was so disorienting Adam collapsed against Tommy and they slid down the wall.

He could feel Tommy's hiccups against his throat, the tears rolling over his skin and the weak shoves to get away from him.  
To be honest, he felt like an emotional wreck. At the same time he felt the need to reassure and comfort Tommy, because he was obviously far more gone.

"Don't…" He began. "I wouldn't… I do…"

But Tommy pushed him away again, this time succeeding, as he tried to get to his feet again. Only dressed in his black skinny jeans.

"I can't do this. I want to, but I don't…" He whispered, swaying on his feet, his face pained.

The shock of the emotion-wave wore off as soon as Adam saw Tommy collapse. Catching him in his arms and still seeing the shadow of pain on the pale, uncounscious face.

"I'm sorry." He muttered. And he meant it. Though he had no idea why. He had no idea _why_ he felt it now. He had done it so many times, but Tommy just triggered something inside of him.  
He stroked Tommy's cheek with his middlest finger and pushed his lock of blonde hair behind his ear.

Then he rose, with Tommy cradled in his arms and carried him to the bed. It was far from how he had planned on doing it. But it was the only thing he wanted to do now. He just wanted to make sure Tommy was okay, to soothe those feelings he had felt within Tommy.

He watched the half-naked man in his bed and almost smirked. It was exactly where he wanted him to be. Though it wasn't exactly how he'd thought he wanted it.

Then he frowned. What was wrong with him. Why did he care?

**late Sunday morning, 10:38 AM**

"What the..! Adam?"

Adam walked over to the king-sized bed, now pooling in the morning-light and sat down on the end, leaning against the board.

"Good morning, glitterbaby." He said, crookedly smiling at the person he almost-but-not-really had sex with. "How'd you sleep?"

He remembered what had happened last night almost scarily clear and he still felt the shockwave of emotions.  
He had no idea what happened, or what to do, for the second time in his entire life. So he just looked at Tommy.

Apparently, he was looking at the once again courageous Tommy, because the still half-naked blonde crawled from underneath the covers and towards Adam, sitting down barely an inch away as he stared intensely at the taller man.  
His hand reached up and pried Adam's face towards him.

"You're in pain." He stated, not asked. "Who hurt you? Why would he hurt such a beautiful person as you?"

Tommy hit the painful spot so dead on Adam could only wince at the question. He stared at Tommy in disbelieve. How did he know? How did he find out? Nobody knew, nobody was to find out about Adam, nor his emotions…

The only plausible answer that rose within Adam was spoken with the same annoying voice of reason Adam had shut down just yesterday, at the top of the stairs.

_Tommy felt it too. _

**Not what you were expecting at the beginning, was it?  
xtra long chapter because of my unforgivable absence, hope you liked it.  
love you all my glamourkittens,  
Dawn**


	5. soaked in pain

**Be eternally grateful, like me, to ****lambert-yuki-loverer**** because she nagged me into an update. Making me turn myself upside down and basically trying to bend time in order to write.  
But I did it. Even though it's short and it's weird.  
It's something, so that counts? Also thanks to ****Kradamkrazy**** just for being cute (and the crazy, moral, twin support she's giving me!)**

Disclaimer: *points to boys… then to self… shakes head* 

It was funny how Adam seemed to fit within his surroundings –though it was his apartment— and at the same time seemed to be such a contrast to basically everything.  
His hair was the exact raven opposite to the white sheets that surrounded us. I couldn't see much of his face, seeing the position we were in.  
But I had already memorized every freckle and line of his face and I knew how the sharp edges stood out to the ever present soft light in this room, while at the same time his softer features, like that one honest smile I'd gotten out of him, made everything seem sharp and ugly.

Not that I was paying much attention to our surroundings. Not that I cared much about the colour of the hair my hand was tangled in. Not that I cared how sharp or soft the skin I stroked was. I didn't really give a damn. I only cared about the fact that the handsome face was buried somewhere between my shoulder and my neck, that the hands with freckles were around my torso and that we were just holding each other after I had pulled Adam down with me into his gigantic, endless bed. 

It was a lot alike to our position last night, or what I remembered that position to be. Curled around each other on the floor, when that strange rush of emotions had flooded in, up and around my very fucking soul. Blocking all my senses and replacing them with a foreign pain; a loneliness I had never, ever, experienced before.  
I knew aspects of the extreme pain I felt. I had been let down; I had been hurt in the past. People had hurt me. But never quite like this.  
I recognised the hurt, the pain I couldn't place, but it was so intense it almost crushed me. I had to fight to regain some of my humanity. I had to fight the pain within me, feeling it drown my energy. It felt like I had to fight insanity.

Our position right now was so alike to that, only this time I wasn't crushed under the emotions I had soon figured out to be Adam's. I don't know how, or if it was something my very long sleep helped me figure out. I just knew. I knew something, or rather someone, had hurt Adam beyond anything I had ever seen. Or felt for that matter.

When I saw him this morning, I had done the only thing that seemed logical in my mind; I had crawled to him, cupped his face and straight-forward asked him what had hurt him so badly. Not understanding why someone would hurt another human being like that. Why someone would hurt _Adam_ like that –since he didn't exactly classify as 'just another fucking human' in my hazed mind—

The shock in his eyes was so bright I could feel him again. I hadn't expected it, nor had I expected the complete panic, but I felt that he panicked over the fact that I knew. That I had figured out it were his emotions and that he was _hurt_.

So once again trusting my instincts, I had pulled him back onto the bed with me, wrapping my arms around his waist, burying my face in his chest and trying to touch every part of his body I could reach. Though there was just too much of him for me to comfort. Just like there seemed to be too much pain for me to heal.

Could I heal it? Did I want to heal it?

He had, after all, intended to fuck me and then disregard of me. He didn't feel anything. Lisa had been clear enough. He did not want to feel.

But as I felt his nose skim my jaw, almost; _almost,_ lovingly, I couldn't keep my heart from jumping a little.  
I shouldn't hope for anything, I shouldn't…  
But I wanted to. I wanted to help him. I wanted to break through that wall he build that kept me from the real Adam. The one with the loving smile, the one that had once kissed me lazily last night, the one that came up with the little nickname.

I could clearly keep the two Adam's apart and right now; I was holding the hidden one. I knew that that on it's was really damned something, if even his friends couldn't break through that carefully build wall.  
Next question; _could I?_

I had broken through the wall, for now, but he would pull it up again eventually. It was what I would've done if I was the one baring all that hurt.

Instinctively I pressed even closer to him, wrapping my feet around his legs. My arms tighter around his body, my cheek now resting against his.

If this were a different person I was… well, cuddling with... If it hadn't been Adam, if I hadn't been here and if I hadn't felt what I'd felt last night, this position would've been fucking embarrassing and quite uncomfortable.  
It wasn't and it was goddamned strange and amazing at the same time. How was that even possible?  
Note to self: _Stop thinking about things you can't figure out either way. It'll make your head hurt. We don't want that. _

His head rose from my skin and then the electric blue eyes looked into mine.  
"Who are you?" He questioned. Rhetorical question much?

"I'm Tommy." I answered, a little confused as he stroked my cheek. Confusion, though about something else, equally present on his face.

"Where did you come from?" Came the next question, softer now. Still the same amount of confusion

"Uh…" I stuttered a little, the tips of his fingers lingering over my face and lower.

"Why'd you come?" third question, vague and even more without any possible answer then the two before it. "You shouldn't."

He pushed himself up so I was forced to let go of him, falling back into the pillows and a protesting whine left my throat, making him smirk.  
I was really starting to get annoyed by that fucking smirk.

His back was now towards me and I heard him sigh, rubbing his hands over his face. I couldn't help but smile when I saw the black eye-liner smudges on his hands.

Once again, and quite unwillingly, I crawled from underneath the soft white sheets and towards him, grabbing one of his hands and rubbing the smudge off.  
He eyes me with wonder and caution, before he pulled his hand back.

"Don't do this, Tommy. You were right, you can't do this." He said, distancing himself again. It hurt, somewhere within.

"Can't do what, Adam? What can't I do?" I asked, immediately growing a little angry at his words. I was under the impression he didn't wanted to hurt me? That he didn't want to get rid of me.  
Fucking words, I hated them already.

"You can't…" He couldn't finish his sentence. "You shouldn't by trying to help me. You should get out and far away from me. For your own good."

His voice was demanding, like he was sending me away. _And he accused me of having mood-swings!_

"Adam." I moved closer to him, putting my hands on his shoulders and they tensed under my touch. "I won't hurt you; _I promise._"

Then he snapped.

He turned around, a wild kind of rage on his face as he almost jumped of the bed. "Get out!" he yelled. "Get your scrawny ass out of my apartment and out of my life! Right. This. Instant!"

I gaped at him, my mouth wide open.

"What?"

"You heard me. Get. Out." He said again, his teeth clamped together as he threw my clothes from last night in my face and pointed at the door.

Once again a wave of pain found its way through my veins, but this time it was all mine. My vision blurred, with rage or tears, I wasn't sure. I only knew I stormed past him, towards the door, a different door then the one we had stumbled through last night, but what did it matter?

I didn't care I was bare-chested and on bare feet. I only cared for the rage on Adam's face and the fucking idiocy of this man in front of me. I couldn't believe he was doing this. He said he wouldn't!  
Then again, this was Adam _shitload of trouble_ Lambert we were talking about. I knew I shouldn't have trusted him.

I turned around once, standing in his doorframe and send him a last look. There was more then the rage on his face now and I saw his fingers twitch towards me.  
"I thought you promised?" I questioned, feeling much alike to a small child not getting his candy. Only worse.  
My blurry sight was now definitely coming from tears. I couldn't believe how attached I had grown to this man in the last two nights. It was irrational, stupid and so, so good! And yet so, so wrong!

Then I slammed the door behind me, not feeling the harsh steel beneath my feet as I stormed down what was probably the fire-escape. I ran as far and as fast as I could, which in reality wasn't further then the pavement in front of club Glam and then collapsed on the side-way. I ran my hand over my face, similar to the way Adam had done just minutes ago. Knowing I looked a mess and for the millionth time today, _and I had only been up for barely half an hour! _not caring either way.

God-fucking dammed... Aaagh.

Those were basically the four words that kept repeating itself in my head. Along with his name. _Adam, Adam, Adam. _

I slumped down, most likely looking like a homeless person or something, without a shirt, without shoes and it only added that it was fucking cold out in the open, even in LA. Especially in the morning.  
I was outside, unloved, just-dumped and cold.  
Fantastic.

"Well this is just bloody fantastic." A light voice behind me agreed. Sighing all the way.

I turned around, _the look on my face probably beyond surprised, _finding myself looking straight into an angular face of an equally shirtless male. He was standing a few feet behind me, chewing on the insides of his cheeks and tapping his foot. I didn't fail to notice that he was way, way better looking then I was right now.

"What's so bloody fantastic?" I asked, flicking my hair out of my face, staring up at the toned man.  
He was muscled too, another thing to make this day even better.

"He kicked you out, didn't he? Oh, this is so not like I hoped this would go. You actually seem so promising!"

I didn't understand a thing this man was saying. But I was beyond freaking grateful when he extended a hand and said a few friendly words in a slight accent; "C'mere, get up. It's not that bad, you did better then anybody ever did. I'm Cassidy."

I accepted his hand and let him pull me up, finding out we were roughly the same height and both with brown-eyes. Only his hair was brown too and he was more Hispanic looking then I was.

"Listen. I don't know what happened between you and Adam, …?" Hispanic Cassidy told me. Straightening the necklaces around his neck.

"Tommy." I filled in quickly.

"Tommy. I don't have a clue. But something happened and that's a first in a very long period of time." Cassidy said and he grabbed by wrist in a reassuring manner. "Adam's not an easy person. He's hurt, but I figure you already knew that." He brushed his hand over my cheek for a second and I saw his fingers were now moist with the remaining tears.

I quickly brushed the rest of them off my cheeks and nodded. "Yeah, you could say that again."

"I can help you." Cassidy said. Looking at me with a strange, but hopeful look. "We all could."

I watched him cautiously. I didn't even have a clue who this Cassidy person was. Couldn't I just go home, talk to Lisa, get drunk with Longineu and forget this whole mess?  
By the look on his face; apparently not.

"You all being?"

"Adam's friends, of course."

Damned facial expressions.  
For the second time that day I openly and without shame gaped at someone. This time, however, with a little more hope then before.

I had made my decision, though it was barely fifteen minutes old; I wanted to help Adam. I just didn't know how.  
Then, this man shows up and offers his help and that of _Adam's friends._

My decision was made, could I come true to it? Could I help Adam? I damn well hoped I could and I damn well hoped his friends knew how.

"C'mon. I'll introduce you!" Cassidy smiled and this time, I answered his smile with one of my own as he grabbed my wrist and pulled me back towards the club.

Club Glam; did everything just revolve around that place? 


	6. so, what exactly does he want from me?

**this chapter contains one half of the vision that inspired the wole big ordeal. Yeah and if you don't know what song I used... yeah, then you would be just plain stupid. No offence, but seriously, creep away from the rock...  
Those who DO get it...  
I love you. like, in general.  
Enjoy,**

* * *

**Adam PoV**

What the fuck! What the hell? What the fucking hell?

I let my head fall into my hands. Rubbing my fingertips over the make-up stained skin. My brow creased in stress. What the hell had I just done? Why did it hurt me so? I had done it before, hadn't I? Why was this different? Why in the name of all that was holy was _he_ so different?  
Just _slow down_, Lambert.  
I was one again sitting in my bed, the sheets pulled over my knees, partially curled up where I still felt the ghosts of the two entangled bodies that had been lying here just half an hour previous. Trying to review what'd just happened. Or at least; trying to.

My head felt like hundreds of voices were arguing in side, or like it was going to explode at the least. I couldn't make sense of the voices and I didn't want to.  
I was too focussed on suppressing the pain that had welled up in the heart-area. It felt two times worse then ever. Maybe because the hurt on Tommy's face was added to it now.  
I didn't know why I'd overreacted, why I'd lost control like that; I never lost control.

I sighed in my hands, still massaging my own skin with my fingers, not caring my rings scratched painfully into it.  
God damn it! Why did this boy get to me like this? Was it some cruel joke, to get me out of my perfect shell and then see how much I could take?  
_Hey, let's see if we can find a way to hurt Adam even more, that should be fun! _

Yeah, like Drake –_wince-_ hadn't already done enough. Like my flaws hadn't already been pointed out enough, like my mind wasn't already tormented enough, like…

Wow… Stop. Rewind.

My head snapped up, my eyes staring at the opposite wall, rather then the palms of my hands, now.  
Normally, just the mention of Drake's name would drive me over the edge. Right? Didn't normally, just the thought of him make me want to throw things at innocent bystanders?

Now, I _winced?_ Just a fucking wince?

Well, something was definitely wrong here.  
_Or something is definitely good…_

Great, another voice added to the screams inside my head. I was positive I was going crazy.  
I sighed, exhausted and rested my arms on top of my knees.

Truth to be told; I did know why I'd lost control on Tommy. Because for one; what he said. His promise that he wouldn't hurt me. It had triggered the pain inside of me.  
Secondly, I was afraid.  
Yeah, me, Adam Lambert, King of the fast-paced Hollywood nightlife, was afraid.  
So goddamned scared, because I hadn't felt like this since…  
Well, since I'd first met Drake.

-_Wince-_

Something in me _wanted_ Tommy. The blonde midget with the big brown eyes and surprisingly not just for his elf body. No. Something just wanted to carefully expose all those layers of his personality and _love_ them. Love him.

Why him? Why me? Why now?

I kept staring at the wall in front of me. Thinking was the priority now. I needed to figure out what to do. How to once again bury the man I'd been before deeply within my own being.

_But do you want that?_

Shut. Up. Just shut up.

My hands reached for my head again. Trying to get the screaming to stop.  
And it did.  
But the silence was even worse.

Because the only thing that was now screaming at me (ear-shattering, top of the lungs— opera-singer, 1000 megahertz loud) was the fact that I cared.

There had been a time that I didn't give a damn. That I just gave myself away to anyone who asked for it. Or remotely looked interested. Heck, even the ones that hadn't been interested (their opinion had always changed within minutes)  
But now. Here I was. Hopelessly caring about a dude with weird hair that I'd only known for 2 _freaking_ days.

Here we are. What now?

Sure, if I believed in fate, like I'd done before the whole Drake-thing… -_wince-_ and back then I would've been completely convinced that Tommy was, in fact, something thrown at me by fate.  
But I didn't believe that anymore. The concept fate had been destroyed for me a long time ago.  
There was no such thing as fate. Only the cold, hard world and its expectations towards me.  
The world that had created the person everyone thought to be Adam Lambert, the hard world that had created this version of me. That had created a perfect mask.

So surely, Tommy was nothing more then another someone I needed to forget, because we could never work.  
That wasn't his fault. There was nothing wrong with him. It, of course, was me. Like those things were always my fault. The first failure of our nightclub had been my fault, the audition for American Idol gone wrong had been my fault, and Drake hurting me had been my fault.  
That was just plain to see.

I was a freak. Drake –_wince—_ had made _that one_ clear enough. This new failure just made it clearer.  
What did Tommy even want from someone like me? What did he see? Naturally I couldn't be appealing for that kind of love… What did he want from me?  
Did he, might he? Could he maybe, honestly care?

_Yes. _

I almost smiled. Almost.  
A beautiful boy, trying to care for me and of course, I shoved him right out. I just let him step away.

_He could save you_.

But I wouldn't let him. I wasn't going to pull him into the black hole that was me. My only purpose now was the entertainment of the crowd. That and that alone should be my priority.

But I wanted it. I wanted it so badly. Because I was the greedy bastard I was, behind that perfect mask.  
I wanted his body, his mind, his soul. Everything.

I had been close to having it all. He had been so close to loving me and oh, had he done it perfectly...

But I couldn't, I mustn't.

_You should._

No. I didn't deserve that. It would come back to harshly bite me in the arse anyway.

I felt something cold and wet roll down my face, softly burning away the mask and making my face scrunch up in ugly hurt.  
I wanted it, I wanted it so badly.

_–wince—_

* * *

**Tommy PoV **

So, turns out, club Glam was even bigger then I'd thought. And _I _was under the impression that it was pretty damn huge.  
Still, Cassidy dragged me through the club, greeted the DJ and then guided me through several doors and hallways until we reached what I believed to be the basement.

Or at least, what had possibly once had been a basement.

I wondered what Adam called this one. The minus-one floor?

The place was large for a basement, with high ceilings and it was probably as big as the second floor, thus half as big as the main floor. Which was pretty nicely large.

At first glance, one wouldn't necessarily say so, because of the dark, almost gothic (yet fashionable... _why did I know that?) _colours.  
Also, like the second floor, there were multiple places to just sit around and hang, with soft looking couches, love-seats and the occasional humongous pillow.  
There was a fairly large open space, which, to my horror, had a stripper-pole, and a few wooden bars, like in a ballet studio.

Luckily for me, the place was a lot less crowded then the second floor had been yesterday. Only a dozen people or so were whether lounging in the area nest to the stairs. (The stairs located in the far right corner of the room) and a few others, that I recognised to be dancers or so, were cooling down (or warming up... I didn't really know the difference) and probably stretching the soreness of last night out of their systems.  
The few people that were here, though, were plenty enough to look at, since basically all of them wore strange, _pretty_, exposing and daring clothes. Most of them with feathers and lots and lots of leather. Extravagant make-up too, of course, I should be used to it by now. Though I still thought eye-liner was pretty extravagant too, for a guy like me anyway.

The scenery they were seated in was very soothing for my eyes, which was probably intended. The lights were a bit dimmed, but not for a sensual effect, it felt more welcoming and nice. A bit like the feeling I'd had when I woke up this morning.  
I couldn't help but let those feelings flow back into my system for a second. A pang of hurt quickly killed the feeling though.  
Ugh, stupid Adam. Lovely Adam…

Cassidy (whoop-tee we were already on first-name basis, since he acted like he'd known me for several years, rather then a few minutes) led me straight to the lounging area where I noticed a big-ass TV set on a random music-channel.  
His hand was still firmly wrapped around my wrist, as if to say. 'I'm going to help you, but in the meantime, you're not going anywhere…'.

"Hey everyone! Look who I found all alone on the streets!" _Jeez, thanks…._

4 heads seated in a circle of furniture turned in our direction when they heard Cassidy's voice. As well as a few others, but these were clearly the ones Cassidy had directed his words to. 2 men, 2 women.

A chorus of "Hey, Cass!"'s and "Is that…?"'s greeted us and Cassidy nodded proudly as he practically dumped me on the only couch, while he took a seat on one of the love seats. Something that seemed so natural for him that I assumed it was his regular spot.  
Everyone looked at me and since I wasn't exactly the shyest person on the planet, I stared right back.

On the love seat next to Cassidy was a fairly young man with a very… expressive face, who was staring at me with his head slightly cocked and a cheeky smile on his face. His outfit was almost as strange as Cassidy's leather pants and feathery accessories. He was supporting ripped skinny jeans and a flashy T-shirt. All sorts of tight bracelets wrapped around his wrists and a weird hat on his head. It suited him, like the naked-skin exposition suited Cassidy.  
In the other love seat sat what I presumed to be a couple. A southern looking man with (again) brown eyes and short brown hair was smirking at me. He had his arm wrapped around a pretty, young, blonde woman who looked more curious then anything. Both of them were dressed fairly normal, her in a dress, him in bleached jeans and a button up. They didn't seem older then 24, tops.  
The youngest member of the group, _I think_, was sitting next to me. The fierce looking girl with flaming red hair wasn't smiling, yet, but she was basically shaking a little with obvious excitement.  
Her choice of clothing was equally daring and colourful, her pants covered in all sorts of paint-stains, coloured safety-pins and other junk and her shirt was a vivid purple, with a lot of necklaces that ringed whenever she moved, which was quite a lot.  
So I said something to her first, it seemed rude not to.

"Hi." Such a brilliant greeting.

"Hi!" The red-head replied. She had a bit of a rough voice and her cheeks rounded with her smile. "How are you? Bet it was _raving_ cold out there!"

I decided I liked her.

"Well…" I wanted to say I was fine, but lying seemed equally rude. Though telling the complete strangers that I felt pretty rotten wasn't exactly high on my to-do list either.

"He just got kicked out and I found him half naked and crying on the streets, how do you _think_ he feels, Addison?" Cassidy remarked, though with a smile.  
Yeah, great fun, I felt my cheeks redden in humour. Oh wait, yeah, that was embarrassment…

The man next to Cassidy giggled and the southern-dude basically hollowed in laughter. (Though I suspected it to be at the sarcasm, rather then me, he didn't seem like the person to… but hey, what did I know?) While his girlfriend/wife/partner send me an apologetic and strangely caring look.

"Don't mind them." She said. "Shameless bastards." She nudged her partner in the ribs, effectively shutting him up, only to leave him with a sheepish grin. "Do you want a blanket or something?"

I politely refused and Cassidy, who suddenly remembered the rules of hospitality, started introducing everyone.

"Okay so, Tommy. The maternal woman that likes to nurse people is Katy." He send her a smile. "And the dude next to her is her husband Kris."

"Hey there. Glad you're okay." Kris said, looming over his wife to look at me.

"The hyperactive chick, –"hey!"— is called Addison." Cassidy went on, before he waved to the man next to him. "And this is Brad."

"But everybody basically calls me Cheeks." Brad said in a strange male-soprano. "You can to, I like you." His smile was addicting and I couldn't help but grin back, now sitting back against the cushions of the couch, a little more relaxed in this welcoming group.

"And everyone… Well I think you all already know Tommy." Cassidy finished.

Brad— Cheeks giggled again. "You're actually kind of a legend right now, sweet-faced."  
I looked at him in surprise. Why the hell would anybody find _me_ a legend? I didn't grasp the whole concept of everybody (including Adam) suddenly making such a fuss about me.  
"I'm not that pretty…" I thought out loud, making everybody double over in laughter at my honestly confused statement.

"Dude, you do _not_ have a good view of yourself." Addison hiccupped.

"You _are_ quite the looker." Katy agreed.

"And we're going to use that to our advantage, right Cass?" Brad observed, turning to look up at the man next to him.

"We'll get you in and you'll get to work your magic on Adam, just like the past nights, cuz when I'm done with you, he won't be able to resist." Cassidy said, casually swinging his arm over Cheeks' shoulders and smiling dangerously.

I shuddered when Kris muttered; "and he's not kidding."

As I expected, his wife was the one that actually cared, whispering for them to be careful with me.

I was starting to wonder what the hell I'd gotten myself into.

I took a deep breath, _As long as it gets me to Adam, _and replied: "bring it on!"

Addison pumped the air, while Cheeks reacted with an excited "Yeah!". Kris chuckled, secretively giving me the thumbs up, while Katy sighed in defeat, but smiled encouragingly at the same time.  
Cassidy just kept smiling, as if he didn't expect anything else.

Yeah, I liked them. But then again, I always made the wrong friends. Look at Lisa, Monte and Longineu! Yeah, you get the idea.

"But first." Cassidy said. "We have to tell you what you're trying to save here."

So they grasped that part of what I wanted and even though I didn't understand _why_ they helped me in the first place, I was sure glad _they_, at least, were so convinced I had magical powers or something.  
And I was willing to do whatever they wanted me to do, which was equally surprising.  
This promise of information, however, made me gulp. From the flood of emotions I'd gotten from Adam, I knew that this story wasn't going to be pretty.

* * *

**sorry for the late update, lovelies. But school was being its inconvenient self. Pff... Some people just don't get the fact that writing is so much more important then formulas, languages (ancient or foreign) and my whole general education.  
I worry about human kind. -nodds wisely-  
**


	7. Tracks of his tears

**Tommy**

"There's sort of a ban on this story." Cassidy began, his voice deepening further as he started the story. I was nervously swallowing already. "He hasn't said we can't tell, but there's silence enough when the topic is even slightly prodded."

I noticed the others solemnly nodding to what he said and I couldn't say I was damn-surprised. After all, he'd send me away (cough, threw me out) right after I tried to help him, which is way-fucking-further then just 'prodding the subject'.

"A long time ago…"

"In a land far-far away." Giggled Cheeks, though the chuckle was rather dry. I couldn't help but smile softly when Cassidy smacked him over the head, though he did so with a smile.

"As I said, quite some time ago, Adam was, hard as it is to believe, the life of the party. Many said he was one of the most wonderful persons they'd ever met. We knew him…"

"Ahem…" Addison coughed not very tactfully.

"Well, everybody but Addison knew him as a _fun _and happy person. He had many talents, though he was a little underestimated" Cassidy dismissively waved his hand when both Cheeks and Katy started laughing. "He was easygoing, generous with his friendship and exciting to be around. Always doing stuff and busy with what it was he liked doing. Not as easily distracted as he is now. He was always a bit strange, but I personally think that just added to his personality." Cassidy sat up from his relaxed position besides Cheeks and he leaned more towards me. I noticed I'd done the same. "He wasn't perfect and actually quite the drama-queen, but hey, who of us isn't?" Tommy couldn't deny that one.

"The haters called him over the top, but je was gentle, though yes, a little loud and his smile would make a whole room light up."

"It's true, everyone smiled when he did. And boy, did he laugh loud and hearty." Kris added, an equal soft smile on his face, Katy nodded. "He was so simply himself and yet so extraordinary."

"Your typical Aquarius and yet so out of the box one needed a new one to defy him." Cheeks added, smiling too.  
Normally, I didn't like people who did astrology, but it seemed to fit him. As it did the vision they sketched of him now.

"He was one of the best friends I've ever had." Cassidy agreed. "Best thing was he wasn't even aware of how all of those things. It was normal for him to try and help people and he always said he liked mistakes because it taught him not to make them."

I was slightly taken back at how they talked about Adam. Honest and sheer love for that man he'd been. I wondered. Just wondered.

"And his love was all-covering, that was his main personality-trait. No matter who it was, how they looked or how they were oriented. If he liked them, he loved them, no matter what, because…"

"Love is what this world needs, love is blind." Everyone finished the line, even Addison and I guessed she'd heard this lots of times before.

"What happened?" I asked, not sure if I even wanted to know the answer, heck, I wasn't even sure if I wanted to know the story. It was most likely seriously messed up. Or turned fucking inside-out.  
I just wanted… I just wanted Adam and that smile I'd gotten. That man I had woken up to this morning.

"Drake happened." Cassidy glowered.

"Who's Drake?" I asked, with what was probably a moronic expression on my face.

Kris sighed and went on where Cassidy'd stopped, drawing my attention to his slightly accented voice. "Drake is Adam's ex-boyfriend."

That stung a little within.

"It was bound to happen eventually, someone taking advantage of him. He was so naïve at that time and I'm still angry at myself for not seeing it before it was too late." Sighed Kris.

"It isn't your fault, honey." Katy said. "Nobody saw it coming. Adam was such a steady factor that no-one expected that something like that could happen to him."

"But we should've." Cassidy said, remorsefully. "We were his friends and we didn't see it."

Cheeks sighed. "I did, a little, but I was a little too caught up with myself to really do something about it."

"Don't hate yourself." Addison said. "I would probably have done the same."

Cheeks smiled at her, though sadly.

I, however, still didn't get a damn thing of what they were saying. "What happened then?"

"Drake happened." Kris said once more and it started to irritate me. Addison saw it.

"From what I've heard." She said. "Though no-one but Adam can be completely sure, he sort of killed Adam. Telling him he was worthless and blaming him for everything that went wrong with both _their_ life and Drake's own. He treated him with no respect by the end of it, seeing him more as a pet then anything. He basically sucked Adam dry of all his happiness, little slurp by little slurp."

I already felt the need to punch the guy for taking that man they described away from then, though I didn't know him. I just knew the Adam now.

"It didn't start that way though." Cheeks said. "In the beginning he was incredibly nice, to everyone, basically. He seemed to adore Adam and I remember being a little taken back by the affection. When _I _dated Adam…" He stopped there, eyeing me for a second. "And don't worry, I'm the 'dating-your-best-friend-but-finding-out-you're-better-off-as-friends' kind of boyfriend. It was totes fun for as long as it lasted and nothing about it changed our status as friends, really. Not until Drake."

"Not waiting for a cheeky-analysis here, sweet-face." Cassidy remarked.

"Right." Cheeks coughed. "As I said back then, I never knew Adam to be a person that was so… dreamy, really. For a while, Drake was all he could think and talk about. I never expected that he would like all those little gooey things, but he was in love. Desperately, maybe a little unhealthily, but I thought it to be what he wanted. So hey, I wasn't complaining. "

"Nobody was." Katy said. "I only knew him shortly, before he changed, but his happiness was nice. Like said, he radiated of it. The changes were very small. Lithe."

Now, Cassidy continued again. "I don't know what exactly happened, but the gooey things slowly went to submissive things. Drake started dominating him, making choices _for_ Adam."

"He would go all '_I don't think it's good for your health if you'd go out now. You better stay in, you've went out so much lately. I'm starting to think you don't like me that much anymore' _When in reality, Adam hadn't gone out and partied like the glam-rocker he was in _weeks._ And Adam listened it, swallowed all his crap without complaining." Cheeks said bitterly. "We didn't really see it, but the '_You better stay in'_ part, now that I look back on it, was always a little more emphasised."

I gulped, that was really, really damned pathetic.

"And all the while, Drake would go out partying by himself, didn't he?" Addison said, putting git like a question.

I gaped at this. _No way. _

"Already cheating on poor Adam, surely." Kris huffed, almost angry, his brown eyes flaring with protectiveness. "Moron, didn't know what a jewel he had in his hands." I could sense he did love Adam a lot, because I didn't think him violent. He seemed very calm, without the flaring eyes. They all seemed so. But hey, I might be fucking biased.

"It got slowly worse, especially when they tried to set up club Glam…" Cassidy once more spoke.

"Drake helped building club Glam?" I asked, dumbstruck.  
I'd thought this building screamed 'Adam' from the first time I'd been here. I couldn't imagine that monstrosity being that cool or creative, though I'd never actually met him.

"Well, back then it was still called 'the Dragon'." Cheeks mocked, half laughing. "And everything went wrong because _Drake_ made the wrong decisions, trusted his slimy 'friends' and messed up everything Adam did."

"Even we saw that, unobservant as we were, at the time." Katy remarked, as Cassidy continued. His skin seemed to darken with the story, just like his voice and even his eyes had. It send a shudder up my spine. The story wrenched something inside of me and it was freaking me out.

"He was an idiot when it came to clubbing, no matter how often he did it, he always did something wrong." Cass (oh look, a nick-name) was now staring into space. "And he blamed Adam. He fucking dared to dump all of it on Adam."

"And Adam believed him." Addison shifted on the couch, flicking her hair behind her shoulders. "I know people around here and I know the history of the Glambuilding. Drake paid the wrong people and scolded Adam openly for wasting money and having the wrong friends. They say Adam's wardrobe thinned miraculously after that. Paying for his boyfriends mistakes."

"As did his collection of friends, as he started blocking us out. Due to Drake too, most obviously." Katy had now really started crying and pushed Kris away when he tried to comfort her, so instead, her husband continued. I saw his eyes getting watery too.

"Drake wanted to be huge, to be famous and he was using Adam's talents for that. He was draining Adam of every creative thing he'd ever had and what did he give back?"

"Nothing good, probably." I guessed, swallowing.

"Beatings, that's what he got." Cassidy's voice was sharp like a knife and I shuddered. It was hard to imagine Adam so, so. On his knees. Submissive.  
In my eyes, Adam seemed so strong, so _composed _and in control. It was like they were speaking of someone else. They might even be.

"Poor Adam." Cheeks let his cheek rest on Cassidy's shoulder, as to calm the skin-showing man. "He thought he deserved it. He thought he was never good enough. He tried to be perfect and Drake still treated him like the dirt underneath his expensive shoes."

"That's about when we started noticing, or a little before that." Cassidy said, staring at me with sharp and angry eyes, menacing. "And we tried to help him, we did."

"We really did." Kris agreed. "Bud he wouldn't let us come near. And you know why?"

I had a fairly good guess. "Because of Drake."

"Because Drake made him think we weren't good enough for _him_ and Adam wasn't good enough for us. Do you hear how twisted that is?"

He placed the friends that weren't good enough for _him _above his own boyfriend. That was a messed-up hierarchy.

"I do." I chocked, now understanding part of the pain I'd felt coursing through the raven, but pale skinned man I'd come to know the last days.  
Had it been just 2 days? It seemed like an eternity.

Why was I even here? I didn't know Adam like they did; I didn't love him like they did.  
Did I?  
Shouldn't they be the ones to help him? They were his friends; they'd stuck with him through this. They _wanted_ to help him, I was sure of that.

"Adam seems though, but boy, he's delicate, you know. So sensitive." Cheeks was almost crying with Katy Allen. "He'd turned into a wreck at the end of it."

"But that's where I came along." Addison said, a little proudly.

"Yes, that's where Addison came along with me." Kris smiled fondly. "Found her somewhere and she stuck, just like she stuck to Adam."

"Usually, Addison's forwardness can be a little uncomfortable. Annoying, to the people who have something to hide." Katy finished her husband's sentence.

"Let's just put it out there; she's really fucking blunt." Cheeks said.

"And don't you love it." Addison and Cheeks smiled at each other and I was surprised at the way the mood had changed when they reached this part of the story. But I needed to hear the end of the story.

"What did you do?" I questioned the red-head next to me, flicking my bangs from my face so I'd see her better.

"I just plainly told him that it was unbelievable how he let Drake treat him, that he was a fucking mess and that what Drake was doing to him was messed up and wrong, though not particularly in those words and very fucking often."

"I remember there being more cussing." Katy said, wiping the remains of her tears, now that she'd stopped.

"Hell yeah and he could use them too!" Addison piped, hopping on the couch. "Drake was a bastard, a cheater, a manipulating creep and I pointed out exactly what this lot just told you."

"And then came the worst beating, the one where Drake nearly killed him and Adam finally realised it was enough." Cassidy finished, but his voice was far from happy. "But the damage was already done and getting rid of Drake cost him the last of his strengths. He was a lifeless wax-doll when it was finally over. Completely drained of his essence. He never joked, he never smiled, he never even _really _sang anymore."

"And he has such a beautiful voice. Now it's just perfect, no flaw, but no feelings." Cheeks added sadly.

"We tried to get him back; we took care of him for weeks." Cassidy told my, now looking me squarely into my eyes. "But he didn't really trust us anymore, he didn't trust anybody. He was scarred so fucking deep."

"Eventually, we regained that trust, after all those weeks of slowly getting back some life in him, but the smiles didn't return. They turned into smirks." Kris's voice was strained.

"The jokes didn't return, instead he found his fun elsewhere in the only way he remembered from Drake."

"Mindless sex." I added.

"Exactly."

"And his love, then, didn't he believe in that?" I almost didn't dare ask and I thought myself kind of brave.

They all, whether brown, blonde or red-haired, shook their heads.

"He's masquerading; he created that unbreakable mask he's been wearing for the last months now. It's been 2 years and he has become a completely different person. The masked-man I don't know." Cassidy once more told. "Nobody has been able to pry it off him. He goes from one bed-partner to another, has built his club with ice-cold profession and is only interested in things for the shortest of times. If you take a good look at his face, you'll see that his only love now is his goal, entertaining the crowd. It's always what he was best at, but it's wrong now, though few see that. His smile is out of place."

Heck, I didn't see it either, though Lisa warned me.

"He's ice-cold and perfect, all of the time. Nobody has ever been able to even crack that mask of his, or to interest him longer then a night." Cassidy began, trailing off.

Cheeks finished him. "Except for you."

Except for Tommy. Joy.

And what did they expect of him now? That he would miraculously make everything better? That he would somehow punch the mask of the beautiful face?

"I don't know…"

"Of course you don't!" Addison half-screamed into his ear. "We don't even know."

"But Tommy," Kris told him. "You're the only hope we've had in ages. The only hope he's had in 2 years!"

God was I in for it now? Gullible, much? I should've gone away while I could; I was way too deep in now.  
But I couldn't just hear this story and walk away; I had to do something now.  
Thing is, I _wanted _to do something too.  
Never suspected I would turn out to be so much of a softie.

"Please, Tommy…" Cheeks said my name as 'Twomzie' "Will you help us?"

"How could I possibly help Adam, if you haven't even…? I can't possibly… "

"He's a bit slow, isn't he?" Addison now accused Cassidy. "We just told you you are exceptional and that you _can_, with a little bit of help from us."

"So you do have a plan?" I questioned. Don't get me wrong, they seemed like a nice bunch of people, but from the looks of this, Adam was in some deep shit.  
As in; ten feet above his head. And he was the tall one.

"Not concretely." Kris said slowly, eyeing Cassidy.

"Because we don't really know _how_ you do it." Said man said, scratching underneath his throat-ornaments.

"But we can help you, a lot. If you want to." Cheeks said, slapping Cassidy's wrist.

"And you want that. He needs you." Addison stated.

How annoying did finishing each others' sentences get? Seriously, it was starting to get freaky. So was the fact that Adam might need me.  
Did he?  
_Yes, yes he did._  
I knew that, I'd felt that, stupid as it sounds –And I'd rather die right here and now then tell them that— but I did know.

If there was a chance, just a measly chance that I could help Adam. Fix him, or at least re-break him so he could heal the right way…

"Okay, fine. I'll do it, but only if you stop talking like that." I answered.

"Like what?" They all asked in unison.

I sighed.

* * *

**Adam**

I had to almost kick myself back in to gear when the evening fell. It was somehow really hard to do so, since all those feelings had unexpectedly (and un-asked-for) erupted within me.  
I really couldn't use that, I had a club to run, I had a persona to be and I had a reputation to uphold.

A part of me screamed; _'Fuck Tommy, just do what you have to do_.'  
Another part screamed; 'YES, FUCK TOMMY!'  
And yet another part didn't scream at all and was even remotely silent as it was just the need to hug him again.

I decided to shove it all in the darkest corner of my mind; that had helped before. Just like what I planned to do tonight had helped.  
I was going to fuck it all out of my system.

I would find a hot boy, shove him off his feet and fuck him into oblivion.  
The poor fuck-to-be had no idea he wouldn't be walking for a week.

So I kicked myself up, shoved everything away and started to get ready. Even on Monday, club glam did great business and people were expecting me as always, though the Mondays were mostly for the real die-hards only. The ones who were really addicted.  
I still had to entertain them, I understood that urge, at least. It was basic, it was old, it was easy.

I'd always been a fucking coward, Drake –_wince-_ had been right about that, too.

I hid myself with make-up and a large amount of guy-liner and put on my favourite zebra-pants. Skin-tight, perfect for what I'd planned.  
I kept the shirt simple, but I decorated myself with jewellery. I shone with silver when I walked down my stairs that evening, after having stared into space for a whole day, or so it seemed.

I even shoved the image of Tommy and his heart-breaking brown eyes away. Locked it up and threw it out as far as I could.  
I hoped it wouldn't return tonight.

Oh, was I wrong.

As usual, I started on the ground-floor, which was calmer then in the weekends and the dancing now had more skill and technique to it, for only the trained could manage to come today. I moved with them, talented as I was myself and smirked, looking for trouble and for tonight's flavour.

I didn't find it on the ground floor, but I wasn't taken back by that. I had to admit I was a little spoiled; Tommy's beauty _had_ been extraordinary, I'd give the elf-like, complicated boy that one.

I quickly dismissed of him though and walked up the stairs, looking over my crowd again. Seeing the leather, the lace and the skimpy outfits. Seeing the sneakers for the street-crowd, the killer heels for the higher class. Like stripper-heels so high and I made a mental note to organise a more erotic night in the nearby future.

I reached the second floor around midnight, for I was naturally fashionably late. I kindly waved at some of the faces I vaguely recognised, but mainly lost myself in the beat that cursed through the building. I tuned them out, my eyes shined upon by the lights and the neon.  
I didn't notice a particular face, except for those of Cassidy and Brad, who were seated in the middle of their own adoring crowd. I smirked; they were really handy when it came to bringing new meat to the club.  
I also saw Addison and Katy, on the third terrace, but Kris was no-where to find.

If I'd really been in my game, I'd have been suspicious by now, but I was distracted, distracted by the need, by the confusion.  
I needed my composure back.

I didn't get it, for then it was I saw Kris. Or rather, the person next to him. I recognised the deep brown eyes. I'd seen so many of them, glazed over, dark with lust, but mostly, just plainly brown.  
His were deep, I drowned.  
They were rimmed with liner, with mascara and glitter. I'd thought his eyes couldn't sparkle _more _then they did, but somehow he accomplished it.

I saw the blonde hair, falling over his left eye as he just looked at me.

What should've caught my attention in the first place, though, did so after that.

My _god_, my fucking _goodness_. What in the name of all that was holy was that boy wearing?  
Was he deliberately _trying_ to make me hurt him so fucking good? Did he _want_ to be pleasured senseless?  
_Then that's what he's going to get_.

Then I remembered I threw him out this morning, that I promised myself that he'd be out of my mind. How I'd convinced myself he was just another person passing by.

What, I questioned silently, was he doing? Why was he here? Why was he with _Kris? _Of all people.  
What was he doing here, back in my club?  
I wished, so hard, at that moment that I didn't want him her as badly as I did.  
I think I failed, again.

* * *

**I am so sorry for the lateness, little creepers, but my beloved internet was CRUELLY taken away from me, my muse has been a little on and off these days, my vicious vampire twin was banned from her computer too and LIFE. Got in. the fucking way.**  
**I hate that, because I WANT do update.**

**It's also the fact that I'm way too easily distracted and have friends who LOVE to do that to me. Also, when one has internet back after ages, one tends to go do other (mindless) stuff.**  
**But I still love you, endlessly and quite pathetically, so I hope this makes up for it a little.**  
**Don't hate on Drake, please. I do believe he's a kind of nice person in real-life.**  
**(Though if you'd like to hate on him in this story (*cough* Kradamkrazy *cough*)**

**Okay, now I'm going to go back to my distractions. Keep in mind reviews FUCKING help. :) But I'm not a demanding authoress, so reading is damn fine too.****  
~Dawn**


	8. I'll be your aftermath

**-****Opens arms wide and receiving-  
I do not deserve all the love my dreamers are giving me and I deserve every kind of insult that you could possibly think of.  
You should hate me, I'm terrible. I am very sorry for not updating.  
School started, ideas had to be shut up. But it's no excuse. I even accidentally wrote Allison as Addison! it's fixed now but ugh. such a bad author I am.  
Feel free to dump all your frustration on me and let me beg that this chapter will make up for a lot. *cough*explicitcontentwarning*cough*  
I think it will. –glitterwink-  
enjoy, **

* * *

It was like everything around me had stopped moving. Froze when I locked eyes with Tommy. I only halfway noticed Cassidy standing beside him, skimpily dressed as always, as ever.  
But Tommy dragged any attention anyone might have for the exposed skin to himself.  
His sparkly eyes were rimmed a smoky black and surrounded by glitter, waving out on his cheekbones like waves of sin.  
His lips, of which I could still feel the shape on my own, were a dark, deep, sensual wine-red.  
His hair covered the rest of his face, silkier then I remember when I pulled it.  
The memory made me shudder in anticipation; I wanted him, just as I'd wanted him before.  
I observed a dark, glammy top and tight jeans that hugged him in _all _the right places. A single guitar pick around his neck matched his piercings.  
He was gorgeous, more then ever. He was shining, sparkling. He raged of colour.

But there was more then the beauty tonight, more then just the innocent curiosity, the captivating personality that shined behind the pretty face.  
Tonight, there was something in the brown orbs that made my insides turn ice-cold.  
It made me remember why I'd thrown him out that morning, but even more, it made me realise why I shouldn't have.

It was sadness. Pain, even. Utterly heartbreaking.  
And it was directed towards me. He was hurting _for_ me. _Because _of me.

I shook my head, trying to clear it. I had to pull it together, I couldn't let him get any closer to me then he'd been. I'd given him a message. I'd given him the lie of not wanting him.  
Didn't he feel the weight of that lie? Yet another lie?  
Didn't that boy get a clue? Maybe I would need to make it dance in front of him, naked and preferably wearing an obnoxious birthday-hat to make him realise he shouldn't be here.  
That I didn't want him here. That I couldn't have him here. It wasn't allowed.

I forcefully tore my eyes away from the fucking captivating sight of Tommy. Damn him.

I gracefully stomped through the club, only subconsciously scanning it as I made my way through the second floor crowd.  
I was only vaguely aware of bodies grinding and moving against mine, revelling in yet another wave of deserved hate for myself. I hated myself for running away, but I was more scared of how I was feeling inside at the moment. That feeling overthrew anything else.

"What's up with you _now?_"  
I send a harsh glare to the source of the voice, once more; Kristopher Allen. How he loved to be a royal pain in my ass.  
His smirk was knowing, too knowing and I immediately narrowed my eyes suspiciously at him. He knew better then to pull something in _my_ club. He knew very well that this was my circle.

"Nothing." I shortly answered his question. Seeing him laugh. "But do you actually give a damn?"

That shut him up, but probably not in the way I wanted. His face became completely serious.  
"More then you think." He replied.  
What the hell was that supposed to mean? Was everybody out to mess with my head (and heart) tonight? I wanted to scream with frustration. Rip my pretty voice to pieces because I didn't know what to do.  
I always knew what to do. I had to. Why was this happening? Was it happening?

No, I wouldn't allow it. It was over, right this instant, I decided, rising to my full height.  
From now on, I wouldn't let the blonde into my club again, no matter how that hurt his feelings. From now on, I wouldn't tolerate Kris playing around.  
This mess had gone on long enough, I wasted an entire day fussing over what had happened and I _couldn't _allow that. I couldn't allow myself to have another Drake.

_–wince—_

Couldn't let myself get that weak and useless again. I had a purpose now, I was the ultimate entertainment and nobody; especially not an obnoxious, annoying, amazing, Adam-charm-intolerant guy with sparkly eyes, could distract me from that.  
I was alone, inside my circle of trusted ones and I would stay that way. Tommy'd come this far and had put up a damn good fight, but I wouldn't let him intrigue me anymore. I wouldn't fall for the challenge of figuring him out. I wouldn't let fate play with me. To here and no further.

I felt myself relax now that I'd made this decision. I knew it was the best option. It had to be. I had a club to run.

Speaking of which, it was time I took the strings back into my hands. I only hoped being exposed to unrestrained Cassidy, Cheeks and Allison hadn't done too much damage.

It felt nice to fall back into my perfect cat-like movements as I slickly made my way to the DJ. It was time to spice things up some, shoving any thoughts of Tommy forcefully away.  
The lighting, with an intensified amount of neon reflected in the eyes of the happily surprised crowd. Their smiles drugged me. That was what was important.  
I heard their heels click to the beat that now freshly pulsed through the four story building. They'd known something was off, but I was back now. They had nothing to worry about but being entertained.

They looked up at me with adoring eyes as I mixed with them, something I rarely did on working-days.  
The lighting darkened and I smirked. Perfect.  
I grabbed a random boy, who was fortunately not completely bad looking and gave him the kiss of his life.  
It felt a bit off, but I didn't care. It was about the image, not how I felt.

The air was thick, dirty and filled with thrilled voices; moans even, especially after a few, around a dozen more, kisses, with male and female lucky winners. I smelled the arousal in the air, layers and layers of thick, glittery sexiness. This was what I lived for.  
I strutted my way up the stairs, hearing the cheers and wolf-whistles behind me as I seductively swayed my hips. Not thinking of the way another man had once done that. It was good.  
The second floor was bursting, with a lot of my people hanging over the railing, just to stare at me.  
The lighting played over their skins, glowing with sweat already and I felt some of myself trickle lightly over my brow and the back of my neck.  
I walked over the bar, moving to the music exactly and rung the fashionable black bell that hung there and immediately, I had the whole floor cheering for me.  
Nobody ever hated getting free alcohol to excite them further.

Then, dancing with several good looking women and eventually groping a man through his jeans (he was a moaner) I walked up the stairs to the terrace. The image of a certain blonde almost completely erased from my mind. I'd forgotten how easy it was for me to shove unpleasant things away to where they couldn't bother me.

I breathed the sweat-smell-less air as I leaned over the balustrade, like that night; was it only 3 days? Three days since everything changed?  
It was almost exactly like that evening, because now, I had the club back where I wanted it, in the palm of my hand; I had to be more careful. Next time it might be too late to tie the laces.

I watched the people downstairs, dancing and singing along with lyrics they knew. The club was hot, deserving of the title it carried.  
I searched for the usual groups; the dancers, the performers, the fans.  
I found Cheek's happy followers of positivity and the slightly saner group seated around Kris and Katy, happily chatting away, but I couldn't find the large group of Haley-fans, how strange. Cassidy was almost as much of a performer as I was, he always had been and there wasn't much that could pry him away from being so. It was so long before… things. And it was so now. What could be more important then entertaining my crowd?  
I annoyedly flicked the raven strands out of my blackened eyes and pursed the lips I'd so carefully plumped. I didn't like this; things were supposed to be back to extraordinarily normal again. I needed that in order to forget… certain other things.

"So the chase is back, huh? Not going after him this time to make him unable to walk for a week?"  
Of course this scarily accurate impersonation of me could only be coming from Allison.  
"No, I grew bored of him. Little fucker." I answered, without missing a beat.

"Oh. I guess that's good then." She told me nonchalantly. Rolling her eyes when she thought I couldn't see her.  
Her hair seemed almost purple because of the light that flashed on her and I leaned in to whisper understandably; "What's good, then, Ali?" With a tone that would've made other girls her age probably faint.  
Of course she didn't, she just genuinely smiled.

"God; Adam." I smirked at her choice of words. "You need to take a step before you leap, jeez."  
She ringed as she moved closer to me. "I meant its good because of… well, that."

Her hand encircled my jaw and roughly turned me towards the second floor.

What I saw broke all the restraints I'd put on myself and unlocked everything I'd locked in my head the past hour.  
I growled, low and dangerously and nearly flinched when a strange pang of pain hit my square in the chest with the force of probably ten teenage fan girls.

Oh no, he did not.

* * *

"Stop fiddling!" Cassidy hissed in my ear, though quite loudly, for a hiss.  
As an answer, I snorted. He try not fiddling with clothes that were obviously uncomfortable.  
Of course, he couldn't feel uncomfortable in _anything_. And he was aware of it.

The shorts he wore barely covered the essentials, his top so long it barely covered his nipples and his neck was once again adorned with necklaces and things I'd never imagine on a neck. He managed to pull it off along with a reasonable amount of make-up.

I pulled at the too-tight pants that hugged me in _all_ the wrong places and figured this, at least, was better then the corset.

"He's going to be here any minute now. Look adorable!" I just send Cassidy a weird look. I didn't want to look adorable. I just wanted this to fucking _work_ so I could talk to Adam.

What I would say? No clue.  
How this would exactly work? Even more clueless.  
Was it worth it? I may fucking hope so.

Club Glam never ceased to amaze me and tonight, it was looking specifically erotic, because basically everyone had a gorgeous body, awesome moves and clothes to rip. If I'd been interested. And if I'd been into such things.  
I listened to the music, trying to get lost in it for a moment, before I was thrown in with the sharks.  
I knew Cassidy (and Cheeks, though he'd been jumping around, squealing how pretty I was half the time) had picked my look and make-up (god, I felt really gay now) to match the surroundings.  
I was thankful, but horrified. I felt good, which was weird to me. I never really felt pretty in anything. Because honestly, I wasn't _that _good-looking.  
But I hoped Adam would think the otherwise. Cassidy had promised to get me to him. I had to trust the man.

"Spindle… Spindle…" Cassidy hummed. "Ah, like I thought, there he is. Look sexy."

And there he was, the man that'd been in my thoughts for the entire day. He looked amazing and I felt my self-esteem shrink when I observed his clothes, zebra pants and everything, up to his carefully styled raven manes and his skilfully applied make-up.  
It made me look into his eyes, which seemed grey, instead of the magnificent blue I remembered.  
It made me forget everything and remember just one thing.

Adam was hurt. Badly.

I now new how, to an extend and I had no clue how harsh Drake had actually been to him, but I'd felt the rush of pain just as clearly as I felt the beat of the bass at that moment.  
I wanted to squish the little fucker that'd done it, I wanted to run away, but mostly, I just wanted to hug him and tell him it was allright.

God, I was such a sap.

"Wait for it…" Cassidy muttered besides me, awakening me from the trance of Adam's eyes.  
I now noticed the pained expression on his lined face. For a moment saw the scars he carried, before the mask hid him deeper then before and he turned around, managing to disappear with a style I could never accomplish.

Just like that, he disappeared and I could only stare after him, too frozen to do a damn thing.

"Cassidy?" I questioned, not so sure if this was part of the plan.

I saw him frown from the corners of his eyes, scrunching his nose. "I'd hoped he would fall for you like this, but of course, he has to play Mr. Perfect again. He's losing himself, Tommy."

I felt something prick behind my eyes. Have you lost all you are, Adam? Is there even a way for me to bring you back?  
The thoughts hurt, but I needed to face them, I needed to face that what I was doing wasn't a happy dive into the glitter.  
It was a dive into a bottomless pool of stored-up hurt.

I heard the music change, felt the atmosphere around me get thicker, needier.  
Cassidy had to pull me away from the spot where I'd been standing; frozen, just thinking of what I could possibly do. What I would say. How could I tell him he should stop hiding, that he was beautiful just the way he was? That he had friends who would catch him when he fell. That it would hurt, yes, but that he'd be better off _not _like this?

Strangely enough, Cassidy dragged me to the dance floor. Where Allson stood waiting.

"Plan B." He hissed to her, before he whispered to me; "Now, act normal. Don't be scared."

I could feel him, behind me and I heard the bell indicating free drinks for everyone, but I didn't went to claim one. I just stood there, facing Cassidy, who was looking over my shoulder at what was probably Adam.

I noticed Cheeks behind him, who was nervously biting his bottom lip and saw blood trickle over it, but he was giving me the thumbs up.  
That's right, I had to pull it together, Adam couldn't use a nervous mess.  
I stood upright, though that wasn't exactly to be called intimidating, and decided that if Adam didn't want to listen, I'd make him listen. I had to get to him, somehow and if plan B, whatever it was didn't work then I'd go…

"Plan B. Act slutty. Or at least don't freak." Cassidy whispered harshly, before he locked his hand behind my neck and pulled me flush against him, crashing his lips against mine, pushing his tongue through the barrier of my lips in a harsh kiss.  
My eyes widened in shock. I was too surprised to do anything.

This was plan B? Seriously? Shoving his tongue down my throat?

I felt Cassidy slowly turn so we were clearly visible to the third terrace. He would be able to see all of this. He would have a goddamned private show.  
Fuck it, Cassidy! What the hell? Ice surged through my body.

I struggled in the tanned arms that surrounded me, trying to get away from him, but he wouldn't budge and kept my body aligned with his in an unnatural embrace.  
He kept his lips securely against mine and I felt him smile when I groaned into his mouth in protest.

Suddenly, he was pulled off me and I felt my whole body being yanked back by a painfully angry force.  
A fierce growl sounded from somewhere on my left as paler, freckled and familiar arms surrounded me possessively.

As I looked up, I couldn't help but wince and feel scared for Cassidy when I saw the outraged glare Adam gave him.

Even from up close he was flawless and perfect, but right now, his mask was broken with downright anger and… jealousy?

Oh… Now I got it.

A mixture of joy, fear and empathy for Cassidy filled me; he was still laying half upright on the floor with blood trickling down his face, staring after us as Adam forcefully pulled me away, down a familiar path.

This was it. Cassidy had gotten me in. A newfound respect for him made me strangely aware of what was happening.  
I noticed the anger still on Adam's face, but I now clearly saw the jealousy and the pure want on his face as he glanced at me over his shoulder, his fingers wrapped around my wrists harshly enough to leave bruises later on.

I didn't really care.

I also didn't care about the force he used when he slammed me into some wall and my vision blurred, my mind focussed on one single thing; Adam. I couldn't care less about who would see, I couldn't care about what he was about to do to me. It was just me and him and the surging need that coursed through my veins, aligned with the heartbeat I felt through both our shirts.

His breath was hot on my face. It was quick, almost panting as he tried to get his control back.

_No!_

The thought shot and bounced through my head as I realised I couldn't let that happen, I couldn't let him get back his control. That would only get him back his mask, that mask I so desperately wanted to destroy.

So in a wave of bravery, I pushed myself against him and claimed his lips. He stumbled back, surprised.  
I harshly bit his bottom lip and pulled him up what I now recognised as the stairs to his apartment behind club Glam.

He threw open the door, but I had it closed just as quickly, pushing _him _against it now.  
And don't get me wrong, that was hard enough on itself, seeing as he's kind of huge, but then he started struggling.  
I removed my lips from his and just stared at him for a second, his face was almost funny. He didn't understand what I was doing.  
So I showed him.

I grabbed the hem of my shirt and peeled it off me in one motion, before I stepped back to him and forced my hands underneath his, my lips back on his, suckling on his tongue.  
I let out a moan, making it roll over into his and I felt him finally push back at me, fighting for dominance.  
I stumbled back, only vaguely remembering where his queen-sized bed was, but he steered me.  
I pulled his shirt over his head and then attached my lips to his neck, biting in victory when he groaned and rolled his hips into mine without anything of control.

Shoes long forgotten, the back of my knees hit the bed and I felt him throw me back so I hit it rather harshly, but equally as harsh, I pulled him down on top of me, moving my thigh between his legs.

Now, I earned myself a downright moan, but I would pay.  
His tongue lapped at the roof of my mouth and his fingers played with my nipple, for a second I cursed the piercing, making pleasure shoot through me. He amazed me, he dazed me.  
But I couldn't give him control.  
I turned us around so I was straddling his hips, my right hand on his chest, while the other tried to undo his belt as he removed his jewellery, carelessly throwing it aside.  
He tried to roll us over, but this time (and I repeat; I might be small… etc.) I had my knees firmly planted on either side of me and I smirked when he arched at the friction of denim.  
I finally opened his belt and tugged it down his hips, taking his underwear with it as I went.  
I was right, he was most definitely huge.  
He sat up; taking me by surprise when I'd observed them and slammed his mouth against mine. "I can't, it's wrong…" He muttered, but he kept on kissing me, his left hand sliding into my hair as he started tugging on my pants.  
Lifting my hips off his lap, he slid them off and carelessly threw them away like we had all the other articles of clothes.  
His mouth was now attached to my collarbone, nipping and occasionally biting at my shoulder, echoing my moan when I moved us together, circling as I pushed his shoulders back on the bed, snapping my lower body down onto his. He growled and tugged on my hair.

My nails scratched the skin of his arms and shoulders. We battled for dominance in the steamy kiss we exchanged. It was hot and needy and we were both fighting for the control.  
I couldn't, wouldn't let him get it. It was my turn to show him he could trust me, without hurting him more. I would do everything in my power to stop that from happening.

His fingers were at my lips out of an instinct and I complied by sucking them into my mouth. His eyes were dark, blue and broken as he watched me and felt me lick them. Covering them with salvia.

"Nnggh. Adam." I grunted, moving my cock against his, indicating what I wanted and he immediately reached to his nightstand.

* * *

I grasped for the lube I knew was there and snatched a condom with it. It was like my mind had shut down, until all there was left was this beautiful man seated on top of me.  
There was something wrong with that picture and it scared the shit out of me, but something stopped me from stopping him.

It wasn't right, him taking control. It wasn't good.  
But how could something that felt _so good_ not be exactly that?

Once more, he rubbed our lengths together and I couldn't stop a moan. How many times had I let go this evening, more then once and I suspected more were to come.

How did that boy do it, how did he made me feel this way?

The possessiveness that had taken over me when I saw Cassidy, the fucking traitor, kiss my Glitterbaby had been frightening, but this was downright terrifying.

That didn't stop me from accepting his tongue into my mouth as he licked my mouth open.  
The last time someone did that…

_–wince—_

He felt the wince, try as I might to hide it and his hands suddenly reached for my face, cupping my cheeks as he completely lay down on me, our bodies two pieces of a puzzle.

The kiss that followed was almost tender as he reached for the lube and ripped the condom packet.  
It'd never been so scared; I'd never been so hard.

He rolled it over my painfully throbbing erection, making me squirm with his touch.  
Wasn't I the one that was supposed to do that to him?  
But then he moved my fingers to the bottle, squeezing the clear liquid on my fingers.

"Go on; take control if you want it so bad." He told me, something indefinable in his voice.

I growled, feeling the possessiveness surge through me again, the passion on my lips as I bruised the sinful mouth of the elf on top of me.  
My hands moved down his spine, until it reached the crack of his ass. Kneading his cheek with one hand, I harshly pushed in a finger, feeling his muscles react to the intrusion as he hissed and bit my lower lip painfully.  
I moved my fingers in and out of him, pushing a second in quickly after the first. The heat was already unbearable as he sloppily, dirtily kissed me, his body still moving above me. Twisting with pleasure.

My third finger went in to the knuckle and I smirked at his expression of ecstasy. This was how it should be.

He surprised me again as he suddenly detached himself from me and sat up straight, straddling me still.  
His pale skin shone in the moonlight, as well as it made his eyes sparkle more then ever as _he_ grinned down to _me. _

He lifted himself on his calves and then, without warning, sank down on my leaking dick.  
I almost cried out at the tight heat that surrounded me. Sheer fire burning through my entire body, pooling in my groin as he moved.  
Tommy was fucking _riding_ me.

His eyes narrowed, but in pleasure as he watched me and lifted himself again, lowering himself with precision. Hitting his prostate head on with my cock, I could see it. I could smell his arousal. My hips bucked up to meet his in a perfect thrust.  
Good lord, he was beautiful. Moving atop of me, slamming down and making me hiss and groan over and over along with his moans and mewls. He was so goddamned beautiful, sweat covering his skin, making him glitter as his blonde hair, still wild from my treatment fell over his face.

His eyes were a dark deep brown now and closed in on me as he bend over. Supporting himself with one hand, the other on my cheek as he briefly kissed me, it wasn't more then a ghost of lips as he kept moving.

I cried out when he moved down on me again. It was mind-blowing what he did to me and I didn't understand. He was beautiful, why did I deserve him? How could he possibly…

He answered, whispering in my ear when his body did the most dirty, sexy things.

"I can't promise I won't hurt you."

He surprised me beyond reason, but I could only loudly whisper his name.

"But I like you. I fucking care," He moaned himself. "Adam!"

It was all too much. The creature on me, his movements, the way this wasn't supposed to happen, it being forbidden making it all the better.  
Then he whispered more.

"But I'll try my goddamn best not to ever hurt you, Babyboy; I'll be your aftermath."

We screamed at the same moment, right after his words when both our orgasms hit with force.  
I spilled deep inside of him as he clamped down, making me shout with his name on my lips, arching my back and moving up to meet him in those final trusts.  
I saw the hurt in his eyes, I saw the exhaustion, but mostly, I saw his honesty. The truth;  
He cared for me.

And as he collapsed, his limbs spread out like a ragdoll on top of me, I couldn't do anything but pull him into my arms. Slowly pulling out and disposing of the condom without releasing him.  
I'd deal with that in the morning. I'd deal with everything in the morning.

_"I'll be your aftermath."_

He knew. I was sure. But it didn't matter. All that mattered now was the boy in my arms, his head snug in the hollow of my throat.  
Darkness took me and for once, it was soothing. Healing.

* * *

**I feel like Adam writes his songs for this story.  
More hurt is to come. –skips off evilly-  
~Dawn**


	9. How I can't let you go

**So here it is. A short chapter containing all that is Adam in my story. Take it and shiver.  
*warning* heavy sadness is to come, poorly written, but allaz. I hope you like it. **

* * *

"You would've liked him."

Tommy stiffened in my arms, not aware of the fact that I knew he was awake. His scent filled my nose, rising up from his morning-tangled hair. He exhaled a shaky breath.

"At least, back then you would. Everyone did."

He was spooned against the front of me, my arms around his waist and my head buried in his neck. I softly kissed the smooth skin of his neck. I'd watched the sun do the same, in the hours prior, in which he'd slept tiredly in my embrace. It was almost nice.

"He was sweet and caring. A lot like me and my friends, he liked to laugh, just like we did and his company was always pleasant. He laughed at my jokes, ever as lame as they were and I couldn't stop myself from laughing at his. I had a very addicting laugh back then and he was just as flamboyant as I was."

Softly as ever, Tommy's hair tickled against my chin as his head turned, so he could hear me better.  
He didn't speak. I couldn't find my mask, so I couldn't do the same. Somehow, he had opened more then just himself yesterday. I wanted to trust him. It was so strange.

"I adored him from the beginning. He reeled everyone in with his charm and always got what he wanted. He always got _me_ what I wanted."

The sheets were sprawled around us, covering our still naked bodies. He looked pretty. I looked out of place.

It was time to tell him the story. Time for my final offence.  
I would only what happened when he'd heard everything.

"Most of the time, it was just him I wanted though. We were constantly together. We went from just acquaintances to close friends in a very short span of time.  
Everyone was so happy when we got together. Everyone had expected it. Hell, even I had expected it and I was euphoric. Life had finally blessed me with love, a soul mate, someone to share everything with. So I did.  
He listened to all my babbles, to all the things that popped up in my head with a smile on his face. He adored me just as much as I loved him. I knew him for four months then. Time had gone by quickly, but it felt like I'd known him my whole life. It was wonderful, amazing and terrifyingly brilliant. I told him everything.  
I shared my dream of becoming a performer and he thought it was a wonderful idea. I told him of my club aspirations and he loved that idea, but he supported me when I decided to sign up for American Idol. Have you ever heard of that?"

Tommy nodded, he had. Of course he had, he was an American with a healthy need for entertainment, of course he'd seen it.

"I was with my head in the clouds and I sang my heart out in front of that jury. Really, I did, but they never got back to me, like they should have. I never even got a letter. I must've really sucked, but he was there for me. He told me it hadn't been the greatest idea in the first place. God, he was so honest with me. All the time. He said it was fine, that we could make our own career, that we didn't need the blown-out-of-proportion music industry. That we had a crowd of our own. I believed him, I felt so ashamed, Tommy, that I hadn't done that, with him, in the first place. I felt like such a fucking child when he looked at me with those disappointed eyes. I trusted him so completely and surely so did he? And I had let him down, so I promised myself I'd never do that again. So I threw myself into the work involving the club. As did he.  
Things went brilliant for a while. We were back where we started, happy and in love. I moved in with him and we were together all of the time. He praised everything I did, every plan I had. I felt beautiful again. Nobody had ever made me feel so pretty. His words were like drugs to me."

I stroked Tommy's hair absent mindedly, _kind of like your presence._

"We made love almost every night. It was wonderful, I felt sexy and loved. We were equals, mostly, except in bed and I was perfectly okay with being dominated. He wasn't the gentlest lover, but I was a grown man, I could handle myself. And really, the limp and feeling like he was still there was my little kink. His smiles in the morning were what I lived for. I gave everything to him, I was completely his. I gave all of my self to him, because I trusted him with my life."

_Should I with you?_

"One of my more cherished memories is of him telling me that he couldn't _not_ love me. That he would always be there to make me feel better, that he would be the best thing that ever happened to me. He promised that he wouldn't _ever_ hurt me."

_You promised, so differently. _

"I knew he didn't like finances, so I handled that part of the club and more, as he went out looking for performers, friends and celebs to get us known. More practical stuff like that. We completely restored the building out of our savings and we needed the attention. We got little, though we worked so hard. After a while, he started to get restless. Things weren't working out and when our amount of money decreased even more, he got mad. Saying I should work harder, because things were going wrong."

I knew what he was thinking; _it wasn't your fault_. Only it was.

"I stopped going out with my friends and I sold a lot of my stuff to pay for the debts. It was enough for the time being; I worked hard and the club started to grow. People liked me and my hard work for them.  
I was busy with him and the club 24/7 and it was enjoyable, but it was also very hard. He still went out regularly, in opposite to me, and I didn't blame him, I wanted to blow off steam, too, but didn't because we agreed we didn't want anything to slip by me. He always told me alcohol was bad for my health. He was right."

_Are you?_

"But even after all of the hard work, things went downhill, we kept loosing money and people were loosing their interest in us. It was a lot to take, so I decided to go out, just once, to clear my head. I didn't drink more then 2 glasses of alcohol, I was fine, but somehow, we ran into each other. I told him I was going out, I had asked if he wanted to join, he refused, but he was still angry when he saw me. He screamed that I should be working, that there was so much to do, that I was wasting his money on my friends that did nothing to help me. He hit me for the first time there.  
Don't get me wrong; I'm tall, but not that much of a fighter. He worked out a lot and it hurt, but his words hurt more. I didn't want him to be mad at me. I loved him; I wanted only the best for him. I surely wasn't the best and he told me that very truthfully. I knew my friends weren't exactly at the top of the food-chain, I knew I should work harder, I knew all of that and I betrayed him with my behaviour."

_What would he think of me now? What do you think of me now?_

"I couldn't do anything right, so he continued to punish me, just like I deserved. He took my control away, because I obviously couldn't handle myself on my own. I wasn't worthy of him, he was perfect where I was not. I became dependant of him and I couldn't imagine not trying to love him as best as I could or not working as hard as possible to make our dreams come true. It was horrible for me to see him, knowing that I'd let him down and in a sick way, the beatings felt good. I paid for what I did. I didn't deserve him and I certainly did not deserve my friends.  
Then he said they weren't good enough for him, so I stopped seeing them."

_And look what I've done to them now. Do you still think you can love me?_"I took the silence he gave me, because my words shouldn't bother him like my actions did. He was gone more often, but I was always grateful when he returned, because that meant that beneath it, he still cared for me. I tried to hang onto that through the pain he inflicted on me every night. Because I loved him."

_Do you see what my love could do to you?_

"That's where my redhead came to make me see. He hadn't said she wasn't good enough, so even though I knew she annoyed him, I let her tell me what she'd seen. It was ridiculous at first, but I slowly started to see.  
All the times he went out to find things to help with our club, he'd been doing nothing at all, except cheat on me. Her equally red-head sister had been one of his escapades. He apparently enjoyed people with weird hair. She told me that he had been the one that made the money disappear, that he'd been the one that had been pulling the club down. The one that was crushing our dreams. The one that had crushed _my _dream, because he'd kept the American Idol _acceptation-letter_ from me.  
I didn't believe her, for that couldn't be my beloved. But I couldn't help wondering every time he went clubbing, feeling guilty as I did so, grateful when he hit me, even though he didn't know. I shouldn't think such things, I told myself.  
Then I asked him and he full-out admitted that he had done all of those things. It didn't hurt as bad as I thought it would and things got better for a while, he was still gone most of the time, but he tried. He promised he would try to stop. Only he just didn't. He promised he wouldn't hurt me again, but he did. Even though he promised. The beatings returned and my redhead kept telling me that it was fucking wrong and I started to believe she was damn right, as she put it herself."

I felt Tommy smile next to me, along with a silent tear that ran over his cheek.

"She told me he was a bastard, a goddamned cheater with no fucking sense of love in his entire ugly body. She told me he was a manipulative creeper, who wanted nothing but my ass and his cock deeply into it. Nothing but my creativity and hard work, that he fucking used me and that _he_ wasn't worthy of _me. _It was weird, but her cussing made me feel giddy, a little bit alive, without him."

_Like you do now_.

"He found out, kicked her out of the room and screamed like he'd never screamed before. He hit me and kicked me and did things to me that no human being should do to another. He laughed and taunted me with the fact that all those others he'd had had been so much better then me. That everyone was better then I could ever be. He laughed a lot as he screamed. He pulled every trick he knew and it was agony, both mentally and physically, for he didn't make love to me that night, he made hate to me."

_So different from what you did to me, but can you still_?

"From that night on, he was openly cruel to me. Because he knew that the remains of his love still ran through my veins. He took full advantage of me again and again. Taking me with him to see him flirt and kiss with others.  
At some point, I stopped caring. He didn't go back to them after that, did he? He came back to _me_. That was all that mattered.  
But I knew that it was wrong, I doubted him and myself, stronger and stronger everyday. With every beating the pain inside me got bigger, with every kiss with another the doubt grew within my chest. How could he do this to me if he loved me?  
Then, he asked me for a favour. Or rather, demanded it of me. He told me a few of his friends had been sex-deprived and he was looking for money."

_Once a whore…_

"He said it with such carelessness, like I was just trash meant to serve him. It broke my heart, the fact that he considered sharing me with others. It was so wrong and it drained me from all that I had left. I told— no, screamed my no and it was the first of many screams, for he almost killed me that night.  
That's when I decided my redhead was right… I finally saw the monster behind the mask he'd put on. He'd ripped my love for him to pieces and I saw how ugly he was, when that was finally out of the way. I saw that he was just as flawed as he always told me I was. I decided it was enough and told him it was just that; that I was done with the lies he'd been telling all along. It only enraged him more and if it hadn't been for my friends, then I wouldn't have been here today. They found me, saved my life and took care of me, even though I don't deserve it."

_Just because he was wrong didn't mean that he was less _right_ about my flaws. _

"I was a wreck, a miserable heap of human flesh and I decided that I'd had enough of that too. That I had to stop being the poor, stupid and relying person I'd been. That I had to stop being weak. That I had to stop being imperfect."

_So here I am, outwardly perfect. _

"I rose to the top quickly after that, without Drake to hold me back. With my friends that turned out to stand at the very top of the food-chain, along with me. I named it club Glam, because as of then, I would be beyond glamorous. I would be perfect. Perfect for everyone, except for myself."

_Here it comes_.

"Because even though I know it's wrong and even though I know he's the most disgusting person to have ever walked the floors of this club, it's not that easy for me to say goodbye. I still long for his smiles in the morning. I still want his silence when he listens to me talking. It still burns to breathe without him, because for such a long time he _was my air_.  
I know that I'm better off by myself, better then I've ever been, but everything wants him back in my life. The way it was before he changed, though I know that isn't who he truly is. Nothing kills me more than that knowledge. Knowing that he and fate just toyed with me and that this is basically the end of my road."

He was lying completely still in my arms as I told him this, he hadn't been expecting that one, that's for sure. His hand grasped mine and I almost shook my head in disbelieve.  
Here goes nothing.

"I wish I could find a way, to just erase all of the memories I have of him, because I know I was a better person before him. He's haunting me, even though I'm supposedly perfect now. Because I can't let him go. I still love him."

Hot tears spilled over my cheeks. This was it; my life-story, told to a complete stranger. Tommy had everything now; every reason to hate me, to be disgusted, to leave me and nobody could ever blame him.  
He had everything he needed to completely crush me.

I cursed his name in my head, for he had to take this from me too. This one spark of happiness since years. I'd told Tommy's everything, _everything_.  
Not even my friends knew and for a reason.

I wondered how much he hated me. He had to. He should. I wanted him to.

To my surprise he merely turned around and hugged me, making our tears mix between us.

"Neither can I, you."

* * *

_Reviews are hugs for Adam._


	10. My music again I

To say I was shocked was probably the fucking understatement of the year. A term like horrified, petrified seems more appropriate here. But that wasn't because I was looking at the man that was more… broken, then anybody I'd ever met.  
And I had my fair share of crazy people. Thanks.  
It was because I couldn't believe anyone could be such a fucking bastard and the biggest god damned idiot in the entire universe to break a person like that, let alone my.. I mean, Adam.

My fingers were curled around a cup of tea. It was some kind of disgusting herbal stuff, but I didn't really care, I wasn't drinking it anyway. I just needed the distraction of the warmth. It was like he'd read my thoughts when he asked if I wanted some. It had been a strange morning, covered in a slight haze of sunlight, cuddles, secrets and after-sex glow.

It was probably not the best policy to stay silent. To let him revert to his own facts or let him ponder on what I was thinking.  
But he seemed to accept the fact that I needed a little time _to_ think.  
Now that on itself wasn't exactly my strongest point, but right now my thoughts were beyond confused. In a good way and a very bad one.

Outwardly, he was so cool and in-control. It was hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that he would be dependant on someone, like he'd been with that man, Drake.  
My fingers tightened around the poor cup in my hands and I angrily whipped my hair out of my face.  
I really had to cut it some time in the future.  
Yeah, cutting was good.

The point was, though, that I wasn't scared shitless of him, as he'd predicted, or anything remotely to feeling negative about anything.  
Nope. Actually, I was feeling pretty damn ecstatic. I was warm, still a little stuck in the afterglow of what we'd done yesterday, covered in fluffy material, curled up with a cup of tea beside the person that my world had revolved around for the past couple of days. The person that I had finally had gotten to trust me. I knew what was going on in his head.  
All it had cost me was a little sex.  
I still felt uncomfortable about that, but it had been worth it. It had been so worth it.

I found out that he was sensitive, beneath the mask of playboy. Caring too, for he did love his friends a lot, even though I he hit Cassidy straight in the face just yesterday. He told me how much he adored them, even though he didn't show it.  
And he loved the club, it was his essence. And the club was already awesome.  
He was a kind person, a good person. I didn't get why he didn't think so, or why people were scared of him. I couldn't even see the fucking mask right now. I didn't see the Adam Lambert, the sly and dangerous owner of club glam.  
It was just Adam. Adam and his fucking beautiful soul.

_Jesse McCartney, Tommy, really?_

My point; he was beautiful, on the inside. I wanted that soul, that mind.  
Don't get me started about the body. That would be embarrassing for the both of us.

At that moment, his hair was tiredly hanging in his face as he was hunched over some paperwork.  
I was vaguely able to see his eyes moving quickly back and forth over the sheets and I could see the tension in his shoulders. But his hair was silky soft, his eyes were a deep blue and his shoulders had been the one I'd been hugging last night. The only thing that annoyed me were the papers involved.

It was kind of early, on a goddamned Tuesday morning. How important could those stupid papers possibly be? I almost felt jealous that he was giving them attention. I felt like a greedy, selfish cat. But that was fine. Someone had to be.  
But seriously, he had things perfectly in hand, didn't he? The club could handle itself even if he didn't do _that_ and yet, here he was. Working his fucking ass of after telling the most painful story of his life to me.  
Perfection. My. Ass.

Well to here and no further. This had to stop, he was killing himself.  
He had to see that he didn't have to be perfect. That he was good just the way he fucking was. That bastard of a lying creep hadn't been right at all. I was so sick of him trying to live for other people. He didn't have to.  
But how to convince him of that?

I shifted and his eyes flickered up to me for a second. My face lit up when our eyes locked and miraculously, he smiled back; a small glimpse of perfect teeth that didn't quite reach his eyes, but was pretty on itself.

I was whipped.

Looking away, I took a sip of my tea, managed not to gag and then slumped deeper into the chair I was half lying on. Curled up like the cat I felt like, covered with what was Adam's fluffy bathrobe.  
It was way too big on me and it was, of course, black, but none the less it was still fluffy, long and slightly shimmery.  
I would've teased him with it, had I not been the one wearing it.

Adam himself was dressed already. He'd left me in the bed after a long while just lying in the rising sun like in some disgusting romantic-comedy or something.  
It had been amazing, because I wasn't used to another person's body-warmth, or the scent that was basically suffocating me. Adam's bed smelled heavenly for some reason or another.  
It also smelled like sex and I liked that with a small part of my mind. It made me feel sexy. Freshly fucked.

I just wanted him to feel what I was feeling right now. I was shocked, but content.  
I knew that he would probably get his mask back out in a couple of hours, or minutes even and I didn't want that. I wanted him to stay this way. With me. Sharing happy thoughts.  
Fuck, because I liked this! For once I actually really liked something, even though I'd been through a load of shit to get to this point.

"That's it." I said and I stared at him as his head snapped up. He watched me shed the robe (yes, I was wearing fucking underwear) with saddened, but unsurprised eyes. I knew what he was thinking, but he was thinking wrong.  
I stalked towards the bedroom, glared at the pants and shoes I'd worn last night, but grabbed the shirt.  
I did like sparkly things, after all.

I tried not to think about anything when I bravely just grabbed one of the tight pants in Adam's walk-in closet and used it as kind of loose ones on myself. I would have to live with the remaining make-up.  
Knowing Cassidy and Cheeks a little by now, it would probably turn out to be un-washable anyway.

The white socks were the least of my problems.

I walked back into the living-area, where Adam was still looking at me with what was now a slightly con, but also be-mused expression.

"Wha…" He started, but I cut him off with a wave that I wincingly recognised as something Cheeks would've done.  
"You," I pointed to him. "Are coming with me," I pointed to myself, just for emphasis. "And we're going to do something that does not involve this fucking club or you, working."

It was bold, probably stupid and most likely something I would thoroughly enjoy if I managed to get away with it.

He raised an eyebrow and then smirked as I grabbed his hand, knowing he had to agree for this to work, since I was still not quite as tall as he was.

I pulled on it. "Come on."

And he complied. I felt a brilliant smile break through on my face and tried to hide it as best as I could as I dragged him towards the door.

"Don't you need shoes?" Came his only observation.

Once more I dismissed his statement, pulling him down the stairs; "We'll most likely run into Allison, because she'll be all ears the rest of the day so find out what happened and with her come Cheeks and/or Cassidy, I'll steal theirs."

I still didn't care. They would most likely be more then happy to comply anyhow.

* * *

I had had no clue as to where we'd been heading, but we ended up at starbucks.  
Why was it I always ended up at starbucks? Not that it mattered, because Starbucks was on my side and would help me this time around too, but I felt like it was no coincidence that my decision to go for Adam was made at exactly the same starbucks we ended up in.

"Tommy?"

I turned around to face the man behind me in the line.

"Yeah?"

"Why are we at starbucks?" He questioned, looking around with a vague and slightly disgusted expression.  
This made me glare at him for barely a glimpse of time, for no-one ridiculed my starbucks.  
Then I remembered the go-happy attitude and positive yada that I was trying to uphold and smiled. "Because starbucks is an epic win." End of discussion.

I didn't know if coffee was going to help much, for Adam drank more then enough of it, but I was convinced it was a good thing to do.  
And I was going with my gut here, sue me.

"This is interesting…" Adam muttered when we sat down, sipping his latté. He was now actively scanning the shop, much the same as he would scan the crowd in the club.

"It is. Enjoy it." I raised my hand to his cheek and touched it for a second, immediately making him focus on just me. I held up my own cup of black coffee and flicked the hair out of my face.

I still didn't quite get why my gut decided to drag us here, for all the guitar-gods sake, and I didn't get why he actually came with me, but the soft content expression on his face when he took another gulp was absolutely worth it.

"Come on." I said, rising from my seat and laughing at his surprised expression. "Coffee's better when you're walking."

"It's just fucking coffee…" He muttered again.

"That's why the walking part is involved." I told him and got him to snicker with me.

He walked up beside me and I automatically adjusted to his pace. This time letting him take the lead. Without him noticing, mind you.

I was glad Katy Allen had thrown the scarf over my shoulder at one point. She'd been the only one that had been able to do anything but stare.  
It was still quite early in the morning and a little chilly, for this time of year, but I could also use the grey scarf (that matched Cheeks' shoes, unfortunately) to glimpse at Adam every once in a while. Read; every chance I got.

I think he noticed, for a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.  
I didn't think I'd seen him smile this much in the small week I'd known him.

We kept walking, his one hand in his pocket, the other still holding the latté. My coffee was long gone and I kept my hands in my, _technically his_, pockets as well.  
It wasn't uncomfortable, but it was rather strange. There was such a deep connection between us already that it was okay to just walk like this.

Eventually, we ended up at a park. It wasn't central park by far, but it was slightly large. Large enough for some dog-owners to be here to give their puppies some exercise.

I was going to walk on, but noticed Adam suddenly stiffening.

I stared at him for a second, immediately sensing that something important had happened. I was as sure of it as I was of the fact that my bass didn't like it when I randomly plucked her strings.  
Yeah, that sure.

"What's wrong?"

He just bit the air for a few seconds, before reacting with the worst possible answer. "Nothing, I just don't really like this place."

I narrowed my eyes at him, cocking my head to the side. The only thing keeping me from putting my hand on my hip was the actual irritation.

"Why not?" My voice was softer then I intended it to be. But I was still slightly on my toes with him. His mood swings had been unpredictable before he'd trusted me with his biggest secret. I didn't exactly want to test them now.

"We used to come here." Adam said, his voice stable.  
I immediately loosened up and walked the few feet towards him, grabbing his hands again.

"It's okay." I whispered. "Its fine, come on, let's go in."  
Once more he complied. He fucking gave in and I was ecstatic again.

He was still tense, looking at places and probably at memories I didn't know of. Things had happened here. Things between Adam and Drake. Things between lovers, most certainly.  
And now he was back, once again haunted by the memories he was trying to block out.  
He shouldn't. But I knew I couldn't change that.

Maybe I should give him new memories.

"Favourite colour?" I asked randomly, throwing a glance to the side, feeling the gesture being returned immediately, with surprise and slight amusement.  
His step haltered for a minute at a park bench, before he threw his cup in the container. I grabbed the hand he had now hanging loose. Courageous, I know, but the tension went flying. He smiled, again.

"It's black and yours...?"

* * *

It was weird how much I enjoyed talking to Adam. I normally didn't like chatter at all, let alone random '20 questions' kind of talking.  
But there had to be a first fucking time for everything, right?

We spend the entire morning at the park, going from 'Favourite colour?' to 'I think the best memory I have of them is Cheeks dressing Cass up as a sparkly bunny. Not because of the rabbit-ears, but because everyone was having so much fun. There was no club, no stupid relationships, just us, having fun.'

I sort of figured this to be a major stop forward.

But all good things came to an end, because at the far end of the park, Adam noticed a Prada store and remarked; "I haven't been to one of those in ages… I miss shopping."  
This statement, of course, made me go all fishy eyed and I gaped at him like a crazy person, but eventually, thanks to another kick in my guts, dragged him into the store.  
This resolved in a shopping spree.  
I repeat; I normally don't like… scratch that, I absolutely loathe those, but Adam's eventual enthusiasm once again made it worth it. Observing him was more entertaining then the clothes were.  
We also went to a fancy restaurant for lunch and got more coffee, which made up for carrying a dolce and gabbana bag too.

"Tommy?" The question came while we were resting some place random, while I wiggled my feet, admiring my new (and shiny) shoes Adam had insisted on buying me.

I looked up, smiling. "Yeah?"

"Why are you doing this?" He asked, his eyes a deep blue, making me momentarily loose focus, before I snapped back to full understanding of what he was asking.

"Because I like being with you."

The answer had him thinking, for a long while. But I didn't mind. I didn't like chatter anyway.

"Adam?"

"Yeah?"

"Why did you put up with me doing this?"

He was silent for the shortest moments, before he caressed my cheek for a second and pushed my annoying bang out of my face.

"Because you make me want to sing again."

I'd like to tell you we impulsively went to a karaoke bar and had the night of our lives. Or that he serenaded me there, telling me how he wanted to keep me and never loose me or something.  
That didn't happen.

Instead, we went to McDonalds for dinner and roamed the streets as it got darker and darker, this time just having fun instead of trying to pry each other's souls open. We listened to a blind man play the guitar. We listened to the music in a random electronics shop. We even ridiculed the guy who won the season of American Idol Adam had entered. Some idiot named Danny Monkey or something. I let him listen to Manson, he made me listen GaGa.

And it was fine that way, because his hand was holding mine the entire time.  
My little one in his.  
It looked absolutely ridiculous.  
Insert gooey smile here please.

* * *

**yay for Tommy! Everybody leave somelove for him!**

********

sigh, I know, don't even start about the lateness. It's he back to schoooooooool blueees!

**Part two hopefully coming soon, let me know what you think.**  
**Much rawrs for my dreamers! It means I love you in dinosaur!**


	11. My music again II

Once upon a time –a time feeling like it'd happened just last week and at the same time decades past day— I'd called Tommy glittery.  
Now _that_, ladies and gentlemen, was the fucking understatement of the century.

Tommy-fucking-Joe Ratliff was way more then simply 'sparkly'. He was glowing. He was goddamn shining and that still didn't quite cover it. He was mine, of course, but others would surely agree with me.  
When he smiled, something he didn't do that often, though on a more regular basis then say, me. When he did, however, something in the air around him changed.

Whether it was a secretive smile; clouding him in clouds of mystery, a tired, but kind one directed at the antics of Cheeks; strongly resembling a mom's (terrifyingly so) or the seductive little smirk that undoubtedly made every cock in the building, especially mine, stir to hardness. It was maddening.  
The sated smile of his after-sex glow was one of my favourites, a face I was lucky to have seen quite a few times over the last couple of weeks, but it was more then even the smiles.  
For a person as small as he was, though he would deny that fact with fervour (and usually, an endearing stamp of his foot), Tommy had a very terrifying sneer. He would crunch his pretty face up and throw a frighteningly fierce glare at the person who dismayed him. It was like watching a harmless kitten suddenly change into a ferocious tiger.  
Or a very large cat with overgrown fangs, if anything.

The sad-look was something else too; a look he would send me when I got too deeply involved with my papers, or closed myself off from him. The look of mock-betrayal when we found each other again after several nights of my absence, but surprisingly; he never held it against me. He let me be.  
That's probably what surprised me the most, though there were lots of things that surprised me about Tommy, again and again.  
I'd expected him to yell, to be angry, to demand attention, to leave me when things got heavy.  
But he never yelled, he'd simply kiss me. He wasn't ever angry, or if he was, it wasn't real anger. He didn't demand attention, he simply got it, it was the natural way of things and through it all, he never left my side when I needed him.

He was too good for me and I knew it, but I couldn't find it in me to leave on my own accord. To give him the freedom to find someone better then me. I just couldn't make myself do it.  
I'd go with it for as long as Tommy wanted me.

Yet another surprise, this time within myself; ever since… it _–wince—_ everything I did had happened on _my_ conditions. I was the one that took initiatives, I was the one that gave them what they wanted, that decided what happened, when it happened.  
_That _didn't work for Tommy and just the same he would simply skip off and do whatever the fuck he felt like doing, leaving me standing there. More then once, I was reminded (mostly by him) that he wasn't my possession and neither was I his.  
It was confusing, just like he was. In my head –and outside of it, occasionally— I already referred to him as _'mine'_.

I wanted him, everything of Tommy's; his body, his mind and his soul. I had stopped wanting anyone else, which was confusing the hell out of everybody.  
Getting him, however, was a completely different matter. Trying to take it forcefully had backfired on me and I doubted asking him for it would help me any, since he probably wouldn't understand me either way –the boy was endearingly ignorant to his own appeal—  
No, I wanted him to trust me enough to _give _it to me, willingly. I wanted that mystery, very badly.

Even right now, watching him lazily hang on the group's couch, next to Allison, I couldn't quite figure him out.  
And yet all the same I could tell he was only remotely interested in Cheek's and Allison's conversation on how they would dress him tonight (as it was a Saturday-night) going from naughty, to flamer-ish –all cheeks, obviously— to downright weird.  
_Who even wears petticoats anymore?_  
I could see he wasn't all to concerned, knowing well enough Cassidy would eventually take charge of the situation, trusting the man's fashion sense and the increased knowledge on what Tommy liked.  
He fitted way too well in this picture, his movements, and his voice, his everything way too familiar.  
So familiar that it should've scared me right off.

It had been a general rule for me to stop, pull out and leave as soon as things got remotely familiar with anyone, whether physical or mental. But with Tommy, I just wanted more, more and _more_. It was so different, so completely opposite from what I was used to, because Tommy took the initiative when it came to a lot of things, especially sex, but also with other things. Dragging me along to do all kinds of activities I would have never considered doing before.

Tommy made me feel things I hadn't in a long while, like he'd thrown a bucked of ice-water in my face to wake me up. All the younger man's emotions overflowing my senses and making me feel so much better, so much more _alive._

I smiled vaguely from my position at the top of the stairs, gazing down at them.  
I swallowed, having found myself alone this morning, with just the cell phone and my business-calls to keep me company.  
Believe me when I say the voices of obnoxious entrepreneurs aren't the most pleasurable ones to wake up to, but Tommy seemed to be in one of his 'fuck you' moods again, so there was definitely no chance of waking up to his face, or his voice.  
Not even a morning quickie. Damn him.

But I smiled nonetheless. Taking a deep breath and gulping away the morning-bile in my mouth.  
My gaze travelled from Tommy, to Cassidy, who was just as amusedly watching the bicker between brat Brad and Allison, our beloved wicked witch. His stance more mockingly entertained then Tommy's amusement.  
I knew that only a year ago, I would have probably done the same. That stung.  
I watched Kris, unaffected as always; thread his fingers through Katy's hair.  
I still had respect for the woman, the only one ever having succeeded in interesting him.

My boots thudded on the expensive wood of the stairs as I slowly descended it, my nails scratching over the railing and my movements suddenly hesitant. I felt the control slip, I felt the perfection fade away as I fell back into what I'd been.  
This was my group, these were my people, but were they still the friends they'd been, once upon a time?

I ran my hand through my hair, feeling it slick. I should've washed it. It wasn't like me to forget, but things like that happened more often now. I wasn't sure if I liked it.

"You can _not_ be serious, who combines red with blue anymore? That's just wrong…" Allison huffed at Cheeks, who carried a thoughtful expression behind his bright red glasses.

"Maybe you're right," he gave, still unaware of my presence, wiggling his toes in his checkered shoes, "but we should have a colour-styled-plan for him," he eventually decided. His index finger resting on his chin as he cocked his head towards Allison for confirmation.

Allison nodded, her eyes excited, "how 'bout purple? That's a combination of red _and _blue!"

Cassidy rolled his eyes with a tired sigh, amusedly squinting at Cheeks, who was seated next to him, his legs drawn up, his face all excited where it rested on his knees. He looked so childish right now, so young and innocent I had to fight the urge to run; to stay far away in fear of ruining that.

Allison looked carefree, so different from how she was in the club. She wasn't faking, I knew that, but she showed a different side of herself down here.  
A side I didn't know, maybe because I never let myself.

Tommy surprised me, again, stretched out luxuriously over the greater part of the couch, his feet in Allison's lap. He looked content, his shirt riding up to reveal pale skin. Tattooed arms supporting his head on the edge of the leather couch.  
Like he belonged here, giving the puzzle a new, refreshing picture.

"Adam," Katy suddenly breathed, her hair messy and weird-looking because Kris's frozen hands were still curled in it.  
Everyone immediately turned towards where I stood, their eyes, brown, blue or otherwise fixed on my face.

I didn't know exactly what expression graced it, but it must've been different from what they were used of me.

"Is there something you want, Adam?" Cheeks questioned with a small voice, as if scared that wasn't the case.  
"You need us to do something?" Kris, ever practical, nuanced the question.

I shook my head, feeling the bangs hit my face with dry thumps, "No," I said, "I just— I was wondering if I could… join you. Maybe."  
Wrong, it was all wrong; my voice was too desperate, to wanting to be a part of the pretty picture.

"Err… Sure?" Allison and Katy shared a glance, before Cheeks rose from his seat besides Cassidy, basically my second in command, to the couch, where Tommy had already made room for him, almost naturally adapting to the new situation.

It was weird, as I strode through the room I'd personally designed for my employees. It was even weirder to walk towards my friends.  
The silence was awkward when I sat down, not knowing what to say and just leaning back. I wouldn't avert my eyes, my pride wouldn't let me, but the others wouldn't look at me either.  
With the exception of Tommy and Allison of course, who were both smiling and frowning at me.  
Kris had continued his hair-ministrations.

"Feel free to continue your previous conversation," I nearly ordered. I mean— I was still the boss, right?  
Tommy squinted at me and I suddenly noticed the silent conversation Cassidy and Cheeks were having beside me. Allison looked positively flustered now, even her courageous gaze averting from me.

This was wrong, this was all wrong. _This isn't how it is supposed to be!_

"I, err... think purple's fine. Fer totes," Cheeks murmured to the red-head next to him, who only nodded. Katy send a glance towards Cassidy, Allison kicking at Tommy, who was the only one remotely comfortable, though he shifted with the tension in the air.  
I was making them uncomfortable. I was interfering with the picture.

"Okay, I get it," I stopped Allison, who opened her mouth and quickly snapped it shut when I talked.

I stood up, held my back straight in all my tall glory and strode back to the stairs.

All the while chanting; _this was a bad idea. _I didn't fit there anymore…

"Adam!" A voice behind me called as I hurried through the corridor, back to the main floor, "Adam, c'mon, wait up. My legs aren't as long as yours!"

I was quickly tackled by the lithe (but surprisingly strong) body of my glitterbaby, his arms holding on to my shoulders while his legs locked around my hips.  
"Gotcha," he said and bit softly into the exposed skin of my collarbone, whispering his concern against it, "What happened in there?"

"I do not want to talk about it," I replied coldly, feeling him drop of my back in an instant, confusion in a radius around him.

"They're just surprised, you know?" Tommy suddenly said, "Give them a break."

I whipped around, staring at Tommy with narrowed eyes, taking in his crossed arms and annoyed expression. Once more, he wasn't angry, just sending 'fuck you' vibes.  
This suddenly irritated me.

"What do you mean, give them a break?" I hissed, "it's not like they give a damn. It's not like _I _give a shitfuck about it."

"You can't expect them not to be surprised when you suddenly show up after god knows how long. They're just taken back the big bad boss suddenly changed back to their friend," Tommy's voice was softer now, like he was talking to a wounded animal about to lunge for his throat, "And you do care! That was you out there," he pointed accusingly towards the staircase, "because that wasn't some kind of mask you were putting up, that was you, wanting your friends back!"

I just stared at him, feeling my mask crumble beneath my fingers as I desperately tried to hold onto it, but once again Tommy had proven his ability to get underneath my skin, to work me up with just a few words, enough to break me.  
His words hurt, but they weren't meant to wound. They were honest and in fact dead on with what had happened.  
What Tommy said was not what I wanted to hear.

"I don't need them, they work for me and that's all I want from them," I spat at Tommy, "they're supposed to be pretty, pleasurable and perfect and that's all they are to me."

I turned around, painfully aware of what I'd said. I really despised myself at this moment.  
I didn't blame them for their distaste of me; I was weak, I was a failure. They had no reason to be remotely nice to me, of course they hadn't.

I strode off, towards the door that would lead me to the main area of Club Glam, to the strobe-lights, stripper-poles and the sex-atmosphere.

Hadn't I been mean to them? Hadn't I banned them from my life, from my head? Hadn't I ripped them away from my soul, which they'd once been so tightly entwined with?  
I'd hurt them, used them and I deserved all the hate they held.  
I could live with that, it was the image I'd been going for. The mask to protect me from all the hurt love brought. Maybe it'd been unconscious at first, but it deliberate now. And god fucking damn it if it made me unhappy.

"They still love you, you know," said Tommy and I froze in my step, "through it all, they never stopped loving you."

I slowly turned around, not sure if I was prepared for the sight, a sight equally breath-takingly beautiful and heart-breakingly sad.

A glistering tear was slowly making its way over Tommy's cheek and the glitters in his eyes had dimmed to near extinction. He was staring at me through his lashes, almost pleading for me to solve some kind of inner-conflict.

"You've been through so much; they understand that, they just want the best for you. They want you back as the person they once knew, Adam!" He said, visibly trying to suppress the hitch in his voice, "They just want their friend back."

"Tommy—" I nearly wanted to tell him to stop, to stop lying, but I knew he was telling the truth. I knew that one streak of a tear was the truth and I couldn't help but walk back, feeling rather then telling myself to wrap my arms around him, pulling him flush to my body, until he struggled against me.

"– I can see him, you know?" Tommy muttered in my shoulder, "sometimes, when your guard is down. You don't have to be like this, you don't have to hurt yourself like this to earn respect, to be safe. They stayed, didn't they? They'll be here for you. _I'll_ be here for you."

I pulled away from the hug, staring at Tommy's face, wiping the tear away with the pad of my thumb. Tommy's face was ghostly pale in the low lighting, but as beautiful as he was the first night I saw him.  
But now, unlike that evening, when I'd only seen the body, the potential fuck, I saw _Tommy_. My Tommy.

I felt a fire creep through my veins, warming me deeper and more thorough then I'd been in a long while.  
Before I knew it, my arms were full of bassist again and I pressed my lips against his, shivering as his arms wrapped around me.  
It was like the flame was suddenly fuelled with gasoline, as it burned through my chest, making me feel so alive. Like I could burst out singing any minute. Like I could dance and be free like I used to be. Like everything was possible.

Like Drake never happened.

I licked open Tommy's lips and tasted his mouth, licking along his teeth and feeling him suck on my tongue, and the taste of him was divine.

His fingers tangled with mine, our kiss slow and loving, very much unlike the usual pulling and tugging. We gave rather then took and somehow, it felt right like this. There was no need for aggression, no urge to dominate.

I let him pull me along, back to the apartment he'd all but moved into over the last couple of weeks, back to the bed the both of us knew by heart. I allowed him to undress me, returning the favour with slow tenderness, exploring his body, savouring it as I let the moans spilling from his lips fill me with pride. I made Tommy sing like that, just for me.  
I didn't struggle when he took lead, when he once more topped from the bottom, though today I felt more like equals then anything as he rode me, my tongue lavishing his long, sensitive neck.

I pushed up into him with long, drawn-out, passionate thrusts of my hips and he moved with me at an equal pace; with slow and agonisingly sensual movements of his hips.  
One of my arms around his waist, the other buried in his bangs, I supported him as he rose and fell, trying to make it so good for him, like he made feel.  
His heat was incredible, so hot I was sure I'd burn myself and the soft sighs and panted moans drove me crazy, but we kept up the leisurely pace, my own moans and groans mingling with his.

A faint layer of sweat coated both our bodies, our tongues tangling, swallowing the other's moans. Pleasure waving the air between us, tying us tighter together then we'd been.  
I was pretty sure I was hitting his spot quite accurately and I wasn't surprised to feel him speed up after what felt like hours of pleasurable thrusts, caresses and kisses.  
His breath was laboured now, my own nearly inaudible, gasping whenever his muscles contracted around me, control was nonexistent today and somewhere along the line we both became nonexistent; there was no Adam Lambert, glamorous owner of club-glam, there was no Tommy Joe Ratliff, beauty and bassist, friend to so many. We forgot ourselves, focussing only on the throes of passion between us, the building in our stomachs, the other's touch, the other's sounds, the other's soul.

We made love to each other that night, love like I hadn't felt it before.

My climax, his following close after, or maybe earlier, I was unable to tell, was toe-curling and more intense then any orgasm I'd had till date. Tommy's face, the ecstasy written on it; his eyes closed and bruised lips open was magnificent, almost sending me into a second, after the first one finally succumbed.

We once again fell asleep in each other's arms. This had happened before, but today it felt different, better. Because today I'd decided I wanted to change, for Tommy. Maybe even a little for myself.  
I wanted to be worth him, be that man he saw within me and wanted.

Tommy woke up to the sound of the radio the next morning, the sound of one of my many, forgotten CD's that marked the time before Drake. –_wince—_  
I had a long way to go. But I would try.

I was listening to music again; it was a start.

* * *

**A/n: Happiness! *wipes away tear* Now wasn't that pretty? (even though the update for this is far from pretty, I'm sorry, I don't have an excuse for the lateness… *is ashamed*)  
Anyone familiar with my sadistic tendencies will probably have a good guess on the direction this fic is about to go.  
*evil face* Yeah, it has to happen and you know it.  
Oh and if you get a chance, thank KradamKrazy for bullying… I mean, kindly steering me into writing.  
Leave a review on your way out, spread the love! **


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